Chronicles of a Rose

busy days and sleepless nights.

2007-01-27T10:59:00.000-08:00

So yeah. I have had my days full for the past 2 months. It's been crazy but good. The only problem I've had this past week is sleeping - w00t...Going to bed at midnight or after and waking at some crazy stupid hour a couple later...and not being able to get back to sleep until 7 a.m. or so. Nice. So my solution has been to stay up late and get things done. Tonight, it's a blog post. It's after midnight, and for some reason I've been listening to two songs by Billy Talent back to back for the past half hour. They are entitled "Try Honesty" and "Lies". The lyrics are as follows:

'Try Honesty'

Well I tripped, I fell down naked
Well I scratched my knees, they bled
Sew up my eyes, need no more
In our game there is no score

(chorus)
Forgive me father, why should you bother?
Try honesty, Try honesty
Hop in your dumptruck, reverse for good luck
Ride over me, Ride over me
Take on the whole world, fight with the young girls
Die tragedy, Die tragedy
Call me a cheapskate, come on for pete's sake
Cry Agony, Cry agony

I'm insane, it's your fault, so sly
Your well of lies ran dry
And I cut the cord, free fall
From so high we seem so small'

(chorus)

I talk to you

I'm insane, it's your fault
Try
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry

Forgive me father, why should you bother now?
Forgive me father, why should you bother now?

(chorus)

Cry Agony, Cry Agony
Try honesty, Try Honesty
Cry Agony, Cry Agony

"Lies"

Forced conversation
Hidden agenda
You think we're stupid, how dare you
The rug has not been pulled
Over our eyes you fool
We can see right through

Tip-toeing villain
Eyes in the ceiling
Your false intentions have worn thin
But we've been in your room and in your closet too
We've got one on you

(chorus)
Lies make it better
Lies are forever
Lies to go home to
Lies you wake up to
Lies from the alter
Lies make you falter
Lies keep your mouth fed
Lies till your death bed
Lies

Inside an office, a fallen angel
A smiling Buddha with snake eyes
Creates the latest trends
And I just cant pretend
Don't call me your friend

When all these
(chorus 2x)

LIES!

Lies will come back to haunt you
Bulletproof your limousine
Lies will come back to haunt you
Hit and run, a broken dream

(chorus 2x)

Lies

But yeah. Is it odd that I've been listening to those particular two? I don't know. You tell me. Now, I will admit that, tonight, I am somewhat depressed, due to conversations with my favorite person in the world and recent distancing from said favorite person. But, I am not letting that get me out of writing this post. I suppose a detailed look at everything I've been doing would a) be pages and pages long and b) there are certain things no one wants to hear and I would likely get in trouble for, therefore my exclusion of those things is to my benefit. :P So, I shall do my best to recap adequately. :)

Okay. Well. Last I posted news-wise on here I was all excited about GED and SAT stuff and my best friend visiting during the summer. That was really forever ago. My apologies for being so lacking in my blogger updating duties.

So.

College plans have waxed and waned...I was actually admitted into the Art Institute of Atlanta, and we pushed it up to the last minute and had everything planned out but, BECAUSE I have been a very very good girl and always paid cash for everything, I have no credit, and my parents don't have good credit either, the loan rates were ridiculous, and I would have ended up 100K in debt for an Associates degree. Obviously, I'm not wanting to start off life with that much debt on my shoulders, so I canceled my application for AIA. I've been working with several schools and am working with a contact at Emily Carr Institute to make sure I get into a college that I can pick up the appropriate credits and they will transfer. :) I'm looking at fall and spring semesters so I can take my English 1 & 2 and my Art History 1 & 2 classes. I may even go out to TX or something cause the schools in GA that will actually accept me suck. :P

I'm moving in with some friends and working for their company next week. Well, this week actually since it's *early*. I will be able to make good money and still pay the bills, and the plan is that I save up and then go to college and get my transfer credits and then move to Vancouver where I go to ECI. Four years there, w00t, my art skillz will totally pwn, and I shall be happy.

I'm going to finish learning how to drive and buy a car and be able to get places by myself. *cue the shock and horror* I know. I'm learning how to DRIVE. It's scary. A couple months ago I drove around in a parking lot...Erm....Yeah...I ran Sam's truck over the curb TWICE. Sorry about that, dude. :S :D At least we had fun doing that. And I drove all of twenty mph down an actual road, recently - thanks, Billy! - and I pulled into a driveway and backed out and turned around and managed to not get hit by a car coming my way at one point. LOL. It was fun. And dark. So kinda scary. But cool. :D

So anyway. A lot of you probably know I went north for the holidays. The trip went well - I had a great time with the Tarons and Spratts. While at the Tarons I played a lot of card games and went shopping and watched movies and talked a lot and helped paint a giant warehouse thing with a tragic mudding job where T's job was moving buildings and I think this is a huge long run on sentence but I don't care. I was away from the good ol' South for 3 weeks and enjoyed it quite a bit. I love Vancouver. I didn't have to deal with sunlight in my eyes ONCE while I was there! It was sooo nice. I officially met the Spratt family for the first time, after a good amount of ribbing about "meeting the parents" from certain members of the Taron family. For those of you who don't know, Justin is my best friend and previously mentioned favorite person. The Spratts are his family. I also of course met his younger brother Nathan who is a cool guy and very funny. Mr. and Mrs. Spratt are a great couple. I enjoyed my stay at their house a lot. Justin and I did a lot of walking around Vancouver and taking buses, trains, and ferries to various places (I love the public transportation in Vancouver. It's so delightfully organized and logical and on time). Went to Granville Island, LynnValley Suspension bridge (scary. but the rainforest is amazing. I can't wait to go up there during the summer and be there when I'm not freezing my butt off. LOL. The trees were very very tall and huge and wet. :P), bits of Vancouver, saw movies, I met his friends...and on Christmas day we went SKIING IN WHISTLER. Ok, first of all, skiing equipment HAS to be the most uncomfortable things possible to be standing around in all day. Nathan snowboards and it looks so much more comfy. Secondly, we got up to a green dot run (a *family* slope) and I couldn't stay up for more than five feet at a time, if I got that far. The wind was blowing me and I'd freak and try to stop but couldn't stop and would fall instead. To make matters worse, my poles were too long and I couldn't lift myself up off the ground properly, so Justin was getting tired from continuously lifting me off the ground. I was being a horrible failure. I fell and couldn't seem to get back up without falling again. Then, of course, the cute Australian ski patrol guy comes along and unclips his snowboard, helps Justin get me up, and causally suggests the kiddie slopes down the mountain. Nice. It was quite embarrassing. I felt bad about it, but once I got a hang of the beginner slopes I did alright. :) I had fun and wasn't falling by the time we went and had lunch with Mr. Spratt and Nathan. But skiing made me very sore. Hehe. I have gotta get in shape so I can be better next time. While the guys all went and did the black diamond runs (!!!) I stayed in the ski lodge place and watched a blizzard. Hehehe. It looked scary. I couldn't see very much out the windows it was snowing and blowing so hard. It was a relief to finally get out of all the ski gear at the end of the day. That stuff is painful. We drove back to the Spratt's house and quickly all showered and ate dinner and then went for coffee and dessert at Mr. Spratt's parent's house. The extended family seems pretty nice and everything. I had to try to be perfect for a few hours - LOL. But it was all good. The plane trip home from WA was a nightmare though - I won't go into details, but let me just say that my already red-eye flight left 2 hours late. Hehe.

-break for a half day -
Resuming where I left off...
Since then, I have done my college searches and went and visited with my family for a week, which went pretty normally. The little kids tried to convince me to stay fro "3 years" - and then five minutes later attacked me with paper balls and shouts of "GET HER!!!" Wow. So convincing.

I'm now at my friend's house and we're about to head out and go shopping... So far so good! I will put up a picture or two, maybe a scan of some artwork, later. Love you guys!

Ending poem:

“Voiceless”

Transparency

Always evident, opacity conquered by your gaze

Reality

Marring beauty, frozen in time to suffer endless days

Insecurity

Holding doubt, unable to see through the ghostly haze

I’m wandering, wondering,

How your eyes can view me clearly

Confused, and still shaking

Hating the mirrored reflection I see

-Not something you could desire-

Standing still and speechless

My heart grips you close, afraid to let go

No words to express my helplessness

And yet on the outside I feel so cold and alone

The still-unvoiced fact unchanging

The brighter the light, the darker is the shadow.

Transparency

Once evident, opacity shorn away, to bring to light

Reality

Beauty marred, exposed and suffering through endless night

Insecurity

Unshakeable doubt, questioning my fragile insight

The complexity of something lost,

The necessity to burn and fall;

Find my place in ruin,

Unable to answer your persuading call.

(I only fell so hard because I rose so high)

Somewhere, bound deep in my heart, lie

Deathlike darkness and empty chains

To join your empty words, our empty names

My thoughts creating uncertainty, yet afraid to let this go

The still-unvoiced fact unchanging

The brighter the light, the darker is the shadow.

And I am voiceless

Your brilliancy should have cautioned me

My shadows should have warned me

You gave me wings and I burned them

I gave you my heart, my soul, and you tore them

And once having risen, the only way to return

Is to fall.

Modesty

2006-10-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

I have read some very interesting things lately, provoking my thoughts on the subject of modesty. It has come to my attention that there are flagrant violations of God’s commandments concerning modesty everywhere, even among the Christian community. And yet while this is true, there are also the caring Christians who take this to the other end of the spectrum in their fervent desire to stay away from the “edge of the cliff,” as the division between sin and a faithful walk with Christ is often termed.

I Timothy 2
v 8) I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;
v 9) in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,
v 10) but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.

These are the verses most often referred to on the subject of modesty, written by Paul to Timothy sometime during the years 62-67 AD, as near as Biblical scholars can pinpoint. While researching the topic, I was really blown away by the thought of how amazingly the Bible has been preserved and how detailed it is in describing the customs of the times – whether in condemning them or commanding them.

The Greek and Roman forms of dress, particularly women’s dress, were very similar – long, draped clothing in layers. Women’s dresses were all very much alike, embroidery and the stola (the Roman symbol of a woman’s marriage and limited to be worn only by those who were married) being the few things to set their clothing apart from others. Since they were only permitted to distinguish themselves by their “elegance, finery, and beautiful clothes” (Full quote: “Women cannot partake of magistracies, priesthoods, triumphs, badges of office, gifts, or spoils of war; elegance, finery, and beautiful clothes are women's badges, in these they find joy and take pride, this our forebears called the women's world.” - Livy, History of Rome 34.5), they adorned themselves with extremely elaborate hairstyles and jewelry. I found these two sites particularly helpful:
Roman Clothing: http://www.vroma.org/~bmcmanus/clothing2.html
Greek Clothing: http://www.richeast.org/htwm/Greeks/costume/costume.html
Places like Corinth and Thessalonica were of Roman rule, where Ephesus and Philippi were under Greek power.

The dress of the times being known, we then look at the verses themselves. Paul begins the sentence with v 8 – “I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;” – and continues in v 9 with a phrase concerning women – “in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,”.

The verse under current examination would be verse 9 - “in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,”.

The women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation. I want to stop and look at the meaning of these words a moment.
According to Merriam-Webster, the word propriety is defined by four options, two of which are obsolete.

1) obsolete : true nature
2) obsolete : a special characteristic : peculiarity
3) : the quality or state of being proper : appropriateness
4) a : conformity to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech b : fear of offending against conventional rules of behavior especially between the sexes c plural : the customs and manners of polite society

I think Paul’s meaning of this word propriety is easily narrowed down to 3 and/or 4)a, more likely 3. “The quality or state of being proper : appropriateness.” We can see what was usually worn by both cultures of the day is extremely dissimilar to anything like that which we wear in these times. So what are we to do concerning this “desire” that Paul requested of the Corinthians in our own daily lives? I would say it is a matter, indeed, of propriety. What is APPROPRIATE? Does it relate to where we live, the society we grew up in, the places we go, the things we do?

In Las Vegas, an outfit exposing midriff, the entire length of the legs, and as much cleavage as possible is considered appropriate. Would I wear such a thing? No. Some places in India require women to dress in long lengths of cloth shrouding their entire forms and veils to hide their hair and faces. Would I wear something like that? No. There are no specifications given to us as to what is and what is not considered appropriate. It is left to the conscience and our God-given knowledge of right and wrong. In my personal life, I choose to avoid exposure of my womanly body parts and to still wear what I like. My clothing choices usually include things that induce odd responses from other people; I prefer everything to be in black, Victorian stylized, fishnets, corsets, heels or platforms on my shoes, and extremes in my makeup. I have pale skin and dark hair and people may say I look evil and joke with me about Vampirism. This does not mean I am immodest in my dress, nor does it mean I am seeking attention; it is simply beyond what society considers "normal".

I myself do not wish to tell anyone what is or is not appropriate; I leave that to the determination of the reader and his or her conscience; but I do believe we all could dwell a moment on this subject.

Fragility

2006-08-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

Drawn to illustrate my poem Fragility. Self-modeled.

A Leaf In Winter

2006-08-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Drawn to illustrate my poem The Definition Of Love. Used a dead leaf and sticks as model.

Sorrow

2006-08-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

Artwork completed 8/16/2006. Self-modeled (minus the slashed wrist). Intentionally left rough and unfinished. I drew it while frustrated and depressed and hopefully managed to convey some of the emotion I was feeling into the drawing.

So beautiful.

2006-08-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Hello, people.

2006-08-21T16:13:00.000-07:00

I am officially on the network and messaging people again. I can get pretty much any messenger out there, so if you want to talk to me, send me your ID and the proper messenger to add that ID to. :) Much love and looking forward to talking to everyone!

~Ashley~

Random quote from me.

2006-08-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

"All the riches in the world cannot be sustained without honesty, trust, and faith in something. For then where would we be? Lost and wandering in darkness and nothing but oblivion ahead. It's where true happiness lies..."

August 21st, 2006, 2:36 p.m. Someone may recognize this.

Muahahahaaaaa

2006-08-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm here at Lanier Tech. Just finished taking ALL my GED practice testing - whooooo! I scored above and beyond on all 5 tests, with the range being the lowest 610 and the highest 800 (as high as possible). The 610 was like, math, which I figured I wouldn't do so hot on anyway, but yeah. I'm coming back over the next few days to work on my writing - I had a perfect score on the questions, but my conclusion on my essay was a bit weak, so he couldn't give me a perfect score for that (I got a 5 out of 6 though). The writing teacher here has been here for 18 months and no one's failed writing since then, so she's gotta be good. :) So, it's all happiness.

All my paperwork is filled out and I'm going to mail it off this afternoon. YES. I feel like I'm going somewhere with this! :D I'm excited and I can't wait to start college... I found out today that b/c I'm living in Forsyth county, they have a program that will pay for my GED, and that as soon as I take the GED they give me a $500 voucher for college - so that is going to be a HUGE help! Plus he says there are all sorts of scholarships I can get for college. :)

Anyway, I'm going to run. Hope everyone has an awesome week!

LOVE AND HUGS!

~Ashley~

P.S. The thing about last Saturday. It's official. I have the most awesome best friend EVER. Anyone who contradicts me shall have their eyes sporked out. :P

And the results are...

2006-08-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

ASHLEY KICKS ASSEMENT TESTING BUTT! YES!!!!!!!!!!! GO ME!!!!!!!!! I scored as high as possible in every area of my GED assesment test, a 12.9. *jumps up and down happily* This means no classes, just take the practice testing, send the results in to the state, get approval for me to take the GED from them, and take the GED. Since I'm going to be totally and completely occupied between this upcoming Saturday and next Wednesday, I'm going to start taking the practice tests next Thursday. If I fit them into my schedule properly, I can get those bad boys out of the way and be all done by the following Monday. Then I send the package of stuff in to the state, they approve me, and I take the big test. Once I have results from that and the SAT (scheduled for October 14th), I can send in all my stuff for my college application. Yayness. :D I want to go to Georgia Perimeter College (www.gpc.edu) and go ahead and get that associates degree in arts. I want to do summer school to get it out of the way as quickly as possible so I can move on to an art university and then to my lovely exciting criminal sciences. :)

Anyway, I'm totally psyched that I did so well. I can hardly believe myself. :P :D Can't wait to get finished with all this crap and into college. Classes, finally!

Let me run before I start bouncing off the sides of my blog here. :P

~An extremely happy Ashley~

Sally Lunn's - coolest tearoom ever!

2006-08-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

To the right of the entrance.

The main window, with the sign in it, from the inside (left of the entrance)

Outside. PINK doors, huh?

More of the inside.

This was our table!

And now for a long overdue news update...

2006-08-06T10:29:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sure those of you who don't chat with me often have been waiting for the answer to the question - What goes on in Ashley's life? I can't tell you the greatest, the best, and the most wonderful current news until a bit later this month, but I can at least try to give you somewhat of an update.

Last Wednesday I took an assessment test so that I can get my GED and go to college. This upcoming Wednesday we're going to meet with the instructors and find out my scores and what I need to work on. The lady who gave me the pre-test did say that I scored very highly on that though, so I'm hopeful. I am going to take the SAT this fall and can hopefully be in college by this spring to get my associates degree in Art before moving on to a university. I am praying all goes well and that despite my utter lack of any form of high school transcript, I will be able to get into college. David wants me to write a book about not being "One of THOSE People" who acquire the GED; I actually think it could be a good idea, and David says it will help pay for college (I can't get the HOPE Scholarship until my second semester). I'd record interviews with other GED students, and get their life stories and learn from them what prompted them to acquire the GED. What think you people?

Here's the ideal set up: Associate's degree in Art, Art University, and then a degree in Criminal Sciences so I can actually make money, not be bored, and have a very profitable job. Yay.

I got my second piercings in my ears - yay. They look good. They're white gold (which basically looks exactly like silver). I'll post a picture as soon as I'm done with this. :)

I've been doing plenty of research on the West Memphis Three, as some of you might have noticed by my most recent post excluding this one. The more I read, the angrier I get at the prosecutors, the judge, the people of the state, and the media surrounding those events. The gross errors made by the law and the abuse of the legal system disgust me. If it weren't so horribly true it would be almost unbelievable.

A few weeks ago I went with Lisa and Catherine to New Jersey. Anything in the city or around the turnpike in NJ sucks. The little towns and outside the city are good. I liked this town we visited a lot, it's called Chester. I'll post pictures - we ate at this awesome little tea room called Sally Lunn's (http://www.sallylunns.com/). I got Lydia's bday present at a cool little shop there, too.
I saw Pirates of the Caribbean : Dead Man's Chest while up there, at a theater near the first hotel we stayed at - SUCH A COOL MOVIE! I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP. He's so sexy. Mmmm. Eyeliner rocks.
Babysitting a 4 year old locked into a hotel room because it's raining outside and the pool is closed SUCKS, though. Ick. Talk about spring fever in the middle of the summer...

My life shall soon revolve around church, work, and - eek - school. I shall be busier than ever.

I went shopping yesterday. It was really depressing and annoying. I have felt fat and gross ever since. *sigh* Jeans especially - Most 7s don't fit me, and the ones that do are still incredibley too long for my legs. I ended up buying a pair, but it's looking like I'll only be able to wear them with my boots unless I take them up. GRR. I don't like being so SHORT! I got some cute skirts though, and a couple tops.

Counselling was today. It went pretty okay. It had been a while since I'd last seen Jason, so it was nice to get to unload on someone with a degree. :)

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Yeah. If you don't know already, then you'll find out next Thursday or sometime. :)

I gotta run, just thought I'd give a quick update. Love and good health to all!

~Ashley~

While I'm At It

2006-08-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd post this up as an extreme example of what can happen within the judicial system, and as a plea to those of you who might care to help them.

Read the stories. Go over the facts. The true facts.

Read Mara Leveritt's book "Devil's Knot: The True Story of the West Memphis Three."

Read Damien Echol's book "Amost Home, Vol. 1".

The lives of three innocent men have been destroyed by the perversion and prejudice within the system of the law. They were imprisoned as teenagers; one sentanced to death by lethal injection, two imprisoned for life.

In reading the stories of these three men, I have not felt so strongly about anything outside of my religion and love. It infuriates me to no end. I'm not going to stand helpless and watch the injustice; I will act. What will you do?

Final Words Addressed To ALL

2006-07-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that I have done nothing other than inserted a stick into a hornet's nest with my last post. I was somewhat surprised by the amount of response I received through both email and as comments on my blog. I'd like to thank all of you who have replied for taking the time to do so.

Sometimes I think the truth hurts more than it heals. Maybe it's true; maybe it just takes more than the truth.

Wherever I go, it won't matter what I do or how I act, there will always be those who will judge me. I'm not one of those people who will ever fit into society - niether the society of the RPNA(General Meeting), nor of the world. And that seems, in the eyes of so many, to make me unacceptable.

I am who I am, and am not ashamed of that, nor of what I believe. I love my God first, and after Him I love my people, my clothing, my music, my artwork, my writing; and my choices in those and your opinions or previous definitions of who/what they are or mean should not define for you who I am.

It distresses me, however, at the hypocrisy in calling ourselves Christians, and being so willing to judge at the same time. Are we not commanded, "Judge not, lest ye be judged" (Matthew 7:1, also Luke 6:37)? And yet everywhere I turn, I see countless fingers pointing at countless others. Jesus said that he did not come to judge the world, but to save it, and as Christians, are we not supposed to strive to be like Him?

You may challenge me, and my acceptance of others, but remember, Christ sat at the same table as tax collectors and great sinners. I am not here to judge you, nor condemn you; and I am not here to judge or condemn anyone else. If there is something good to be appreciated about someone or something, then I shall say so.

I'd also like to say that at this point I am not going to hold theological discussions with anyone, as I am still going through the long process of reading the Bible to determine what's Truth and what is not in that which I have believed. I may or may not hold to beliefs which you, whoever you are, find acceptable. Regardless of that, I do not wish to talk to you about it, as no matter what I say, you're going to be right. In the numerous discussions I've had with people belonging to the RPNA(General Meeting), the greater majority have closed their minds and are not open for discussion or anything which might challenge what they believe - but are perfectly willing to challenge my beliefs. I am not going to name anyone specifically; I understand my statements of the RPNA(General Meeting) in an earlier post caused pain among some of you, and have no wish to further anything you may feel. I did not intend by my words to injure, and I apologize for doing so. There are many of you whom I do love and respect. My heart goes out to you all. I do not profess to be broken by the continued maintaining of your beliefs, as some have claimed of me; for I am made whole by Christ, and none can harm me through Him. I accept your brotherly and sisterly love and admonishments, but for now, I would ask that you save your admonishments for a time when we are a more accepting people, and then if you still so desired, claim what you will of me. I do not deny that I have been very guilty of the sin of judging in the past, and even recently, though I strive to be consistent and do what He would, especially in the matter, as I personally know how much it can hurt people.

This is the last I will say on this topic. You may respond as you wish, and I will be happy to post your comments - we are all entitled to our own opinions, and should have the freedom and ability to voice them - but I will not respond to those comments.

Again in response to blog commentator.

2006-07-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

Hello again.

First of all, I do wish to say I believe you ARE genuinely concerned for my welfare. And I do respect that. I appreciate your concern. And I do appreciate you having the courage to voice your opinion and concern, even though that courage was very much taken away from by your posting such a comment anonymously. They say one of the greatest kind of friends is one who will stand up to his/her friends for what is right (or she/he believes to be right). You stood up, yes, but again stood down by your lack of identification. It is that fact that has me disturbed and confused, not what you have said to me. We could be having such conversations privately: should you still wish to do so, my email address is quite available, and all you have to do is ask. But, in posting a comment like that on a public blog, and not including your name, though it was perhaps very courageous of you to post something like what you said publicly, you have also forced me to make it public. Which may have been your purpose; I am not sure. What I do have no doubts about is that you are a member of the RPNA(General Meeting) or have once been affiliated with them, due to the nature of your comment and the fact that somewhere I have read something you've written before, as my brain recognizes your writing style. I do not however remember or associate such writing style with your identity. Should you expose yourself somewhere along the way, I believe I can respect you more; at the moment, I can only give you the respect due to anonymous commentators.

At this point, I wish to merely make a public statement of my faith, and to state my beliefs.
I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God, and that He came to this world as one person, both God and man, to die for the sins of those who have faith in Him, and to save them from hell and eternal damnation. I have faith in Him and pray to my Saviour daily for the forgiveness of sins I have commited each day and have the faith that He does so. I was born in sin and He is my only hope, my only purpose, the only reason I live today. He has given me the freedom to live with purpose and to the end that someday I may worship Him in everlasting glory, being perfect and without sin as He has promised.
In my faith, I have separated myself from the RPNA(General Meeting). I have found many discrepancies in their belief and practice, and many places where they have chosen to ignore things the Bible makes very clear, or to twist things that are clear into something opaque and vague to decieve those who follow them. They have created idols from the teachings of men, and this I believe to be sin, as the Bible very clearly says we are to have no other gods (Exodous 20:3, Duet. 5:7). If we believe the Bible to be the inspired word of God, then we should also believe that it is our only guide to truth and light through Him (II Tim. 3:16, II Peter 1:19-22). I believe the RPNA(General Meeting) have strayed widely from these teachings.
I am assured of my salvation through Jesus Christ, by faith alone, and He has never failed me, and continues to uphold me through every step I take. I live in Christ, and am myself according to who I am in Him, not who you nor anyone else decrees me to be. I hold myself to standards I believe realistic and Biblical. Not your standards, nor what you believe to be Biblical. I have not freedom or liberty through Satan, but through my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I do not deny my sin, and there are things I have done that will permantently affect me and others. I appreciate your admonition, as I believe you thought me well-deserving and needful of it. But do not judge me, for it is God alone who will judge me; and do not make accusations nor assumptions based on false information, or without knowing the full story. You have not come to me with questions, or asked me what I believe, nor even given me your name in faith and friendship.

I have both physical and emotional scars from the years I spent associated with the RPNA(General Meeting). Many of these are scars I myself created. Perhaps, had I been led differently, many would not be there; however, I take full responsibilty for myself, my actions, and who I am today, because I am responsible for myself, and no other. I will blame no one, and continue to fight the good fight, because this fight is worth fighting.

Thank you all. If you wish to respond to this, I would be inclined to respect the inclusion of a name.

In response to "concerned for my welfare"

2006-07-19T20:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your thoughts and opinions. I, however, find it somewhat cowardly of you to post a comment of such a nature and neglect to leave your name or identity. I moderate my comments, and chose to publish this particular one anyway, that I might have the opportunity to respond to it. For those who did not see it, I will copy-paste it here that you may:

"Dear Ashley,
I hope that you will reconsider the path that you are following now for "the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 6:23) Please return from the path that Satan is laying for you. He promises you liberty but rather you will find yourself in his tenacious, unrelenting grip, becoming hopeless and falling into despair. Please turn to the Lord and let Him help you in the hour of your need.
Also, remember that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, which you have of God and you are not your own. You were bought with the precious blood of Christ, and therefore you must glorify the Lord in your body and in your spirit which are His. (I Corinthians 6:19,20)Please flee that which the world offers you. it is just like a sugar coated poisonous candy- looking good on the outside, but when you bite into it, you will feel the inevitable results.Please, Ashley, don't forsake the Lord, for if you forsake Him, you well know what will be the results, and I would hate to see that happen to you.
~concerned for your welfare"

Now, I know I'm not going to change your mind about this, but, tomorrow, I am going to post a response more worthy than of what I could give you tonight, since tonight I am tired, and not feeling well, and could respond more clearly and focused once I have slept on this. Tonight I simply will say that, I know where I am with God, and you do not, and the fact that whoever you are, you had such lack of nerve as to post something like this anonymously, is what disturbs me, not your thoughts in and of themselves. If you want to say something to me, say it, but have the guts to also say who you are. I can't help but say that my respect for you, even if you later tell me who you are, has gone down considerably by this comment. To have the courage to tell me something like this to my face and as a friend, would make me respect you more, regardless of whether I believe your views to be correct; but such cowardice apalls me.

Thank you, and good night. You will hear more from me tomorrow.

In all Love and Sincerity,

~Ashley~

P.S. The telemarketing and used-by-many trick of repeating my name several times during a conversation will not work on me. Save yourself some typing.

I want it...

2006-07-04T19:54:00.000-07:00

On my shoulder blade!

No Rest For The Wicked

2006-07-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

www.forthewicked.net

Absofriggenlutely awesome.

Earthsong

2006-07-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

www.earthsongsaga.com VERY COOL.

INVERLOCH

2006-07-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

www.seraph-inn.com GO THERE PEOPLE!

cool

2006-06-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

LOL, this is a funny one

2006-05-08T14:19:00.000-07:00

Which freaky subway person is Ashley?

The guy that sings to himself at the top of his lungs.

'Which freaky subway person are you?' at QuizGalaxy.com

ok, update

2006-05-08T13:04:00.000-07:00
Well...I now know just how much crap I gotta do this summer as far as school catch-up goes. The guy from the private Christian home school organization (called Veritas) that we're going through to get my high school diploma and finish my school is being really nice and I realize he's also being really lenient due to the "originality" of my situation.
I have almost no records to prove I've done anything. Therefore, this summer, I have to review and take final exams on Algebra 1 and Geometry, begin again and complete Algebra 2, finish Physical Science, read about 50 books, begin Spanish 1 (and over the next year and a half finish 2 years of Spanish), and work on my history. Then during the school year I have double sciences (biology and chemistry), advanced Algebra and Trig, Government and Economics, World History, and other basics, while continuing the Spanish. Next summer I will catch up on Health and Physical Fitness and anything else I need, while finishing up Spanish and anything else that needs work. I'm going to be busy, to say the least. While keeping up with my art work.

Speaking of - I made my first attempt at anime on Sunday, and that was also my first drawing on black paper. I'm not impressed with it, but for being a double first I guess it's not awful. I may try to get a pic of it and put it up here for you guys to see, along with photos of any of my unfinshed paintings. :)

I've been doing some reading lately...I read Animal Farm and I'm working on Dracula. Trying to catch up on the must-reads list for college...I never read some of the really important ones with all those great political statements. Animal Farm is a great short book to read, and if anyone wants it, my best friend sent it to me in a PDF so I could FW it to you.

And while I'm on the topic of email - I have a new Yahoo! ID to replace the old one...It is "blackthornsandbloodyroses" and the email is that @yahoo.com. I'm using gmail more now though...My trust in Yahoo! is forever gone. :/ I don't have hardly any of the email addresses that were stored in petalsofadyingrose and now I have to rebuild and hope I can one way or another locate them all. *snarls deeply* It just ticks me off that Y! would do that.

I gotta hit the sack...Counselling session tomorrow morning. I'm also taking pictures of the new hair for all those of you who keep bugging me. :P :P :P

LOVE!

~Ashley~

email address...

2006-05-08T11:50:00.000-07:00
Hey Guys. My Yahoo! email address is down. Please send all emails to ash.lee.shaw@gmail.com until I can get it fixed, k? Also, as I don't have hardly anyone's addresses stored in my gmail account, can everyone please send me a this-is-my-email-address email? I appreciate it. :)
Sorry for the inconvenience. Also, you may want to re-send anything you've sent me over the past four days, because that is how long it's been down.

Thanks and I apologize for Y! being crappy. This is thouroughly disgusting me.

~Ashley~

Weird one...

2006-05-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

You Are Karamel Sutra

Plain on the outside, but once someone gets in, they're stuck
What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?