Chronicles of a Rose

busy days and sleepless nights.

2007-01-27T10:59:00.000-08:00

So yeah. I have had my days full for the past 2 months. It's been crazy but good. The only problem I've had this past week is sleeping - w00t...Going to bed at midnight or after and waking at some crazy stupid hour a couple later...and not being able to get back to sleep until 7 a.m. or so. Nice. So my solution has been to stay up late and get things done. Tonight, it's a blog post. It's after midnight, and for some reason I've been listening to two songs by Billy Talent back to back for the past half hour. They are entitled "Try Honesty" and "Lies". The lyrics are as follows:

'Try Honesty'

Well I tripped, I fell down naked
Well I scratched my knees, they bled
Sew up my eyes, need no more
In our game there is no score

(chorus)
Forgive me father, why should you bother?
Try honesty, Try honesty
Hop in your dumptruck, reverse for good luck
Ride over me, Ride over me
Take on the whole world, fight with the young girls
Die tragedy, Die tragedy
Call me a cheapskate, come on for pete's sake
Cry Agony, Cry agony

I'm insane, it's your fault, so sly
Your well of lies ran dry
And I cut the cord, free fall
From so high we seem so small'

(chorus)

I talk to you

I'm insane, it's your fault
Try
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry

Forgive me father, why should you bother now?
Forgive me father, why should you bother now?

(chorus)

Cry Agony, Cry Agony
Try honesty, Try Honesty
Cry Agony, Cry Agony

"Lies"

Forced conversation
Hidden agenda
You think we're stupid, how dare you
The rug has not been pulled
Over our eyes you fool
We can see right through

Tip-toeing villain
Eyes in the ceiling
Your false intentions have worn thin
But we've been in your room and in your closet too
We've got one on you

(chorus)
Lies make it better
Lies are forever
Lies to go home to
Lies you wake up to
Lies from the alter
Lies make you falter
Lies keep your mouth fed
Lies till your death bed
Lies

Inside an office, a fallen angel
A smiling Buddha with snake eyes
Creates the latest trends
And I just cant pretend
Don't call me your friend

When all these
(chorus 2x)

LIES!

Lies will come back to haunt you
Bulletproof your limousine
Lies will come back to haunt you
Hit and run, a broken dream

(chorus 2x)

Lies

But yeah. Is it odd that I've been listening to those particular two? I don't know. You tell me. Now, I will admit that, tonight, I am somewhat depressed, due to conversations with my favorite person in the world and recent distancing from said favorite person. But, I am not letting that get me out of writing this post. I suppose a detailed look at everything I've been doing would a) be pages and pages long and b) there are certain things no one wants to hear and I would likely get in trouble for, therefore my exclusion of those things is to my benefit. :P So, I shall do my best to recap adequately. :)

Okay. Well. Last I posted news-wise on here I was all excited about GED and SAT stuff and my best friend visiting during the summer. That was really forever ago. My apologies for being so lacking in my blogger updating duties.

So.

College plans have waxed and waned...I was actually admitted into the Art Institute of Atlanta, and we pushed it up to the last minute and had everything planned out but, BECAUSE I have been a very very good girl and always paid cash for everything, I have no credit, and my parents don't have good credit either, the loan rates were ridiculous, and I would have ended up 100K in debt for an Associates degree. Obviously, I'm not wanting to start off life with that much debt on my shoulders, so I canceled my application for AIA. I've been working with several schools and am working with a contact at Emily Carr Institute to make sure I get into a college that I can pick up the appropriate credits and they will transfer. :) I'm looking at fall and spring semesters so I can take my English 1 & 2 and my Art History 1 & 2 classes. I may even go out to TX or something cause the schools in GA that will actually accept me suck. :P

I'm moving in with some friends and working for their company next week. Well, this week actually since it's *early*. I will be able to make good money and still pay the bills, and the plan is that I save up and then go to college and get my transfer credits and then move to Vancouver where I go to ECI. Four years there, w00t, my art skillz will totally pwn, and I shall be happy.

I'm going to finish learning how to drive and buy a car and be able to get places by myself. *cue the shock and horror* I know. I'm learning how to DRIVE. It's scary. A couple months ago I drove around in a parking lot...Erm....Yeah...I ran Sam's truck over the curb TWICE. Sorry about that, dude. :S :D At least we had fun doing that. And I drove all of twenty mph down an actual road, recently - thanks, Billy! - and I pulled into a driveway and backed out and turned around and managed to not get hit by a car coming my way at one point. LOL. It was fun. And dark. So kinda scary. But cool. :D

So anyway. A lot of you probably know I went north for the holidays. The trip went well - I had a great time with the Tarons and Spratts. While at the Tarons I played a lot of card games and went shopping and watched movies and talked a lot and helped paint a giant warehouse thing with a tragic mudding job where T's job was moving buildings and I think this is a huge long run on sentence but I don't care. I was away from the good ol' South for 3 weeks and enjoyed it quite a bit. I love Vancouver. I didn't have to deal with sunlight in my eyes ONCE while I was there! It was sooo nice. I officially met the Spratt family for the first time, after a good amount of ribbing about "meeting the parents" from certain members of the Taron family. For those of you who don't know, Justin is my best friend and previously mentioned favorite person. The Spratts are his family. I also of course met his younger brother Nathan who is a cool guy and very funny. Mr. and Mrs. Spratt are a great couple. I enjoyed my stay at their house a lot. Justin and I did a lot of walking around Vancouver and taking buses, trains, and ferries to various places (I love the public transportation in Vancouver. It's so delightfully organized and logical and on time). Went to Granville Island, LynnValley Suspension bridge (scary. but the rainforest is amazing. I can't wait to go up there during the summer and be there when I'm not freezing my butt off. LOL. The trees were very very tall and huge and wet. :P), bits of Vancouver, saw movies, I met his friends...and on Christmas day we went SKIING IN WHISTLER. Ok, first of all, skiing equipment HAS to be the most uncomfortable things possible to be standing around in all day. Nathan snowboards and it looks so much more comfy. Secondly, we got up to a green dot run (a *family* slope) and I couldn't stay up for more than five feet at a time, if I got that far. The wind was blowing me and I'd freak and try to stop but couldn't stop and would fall instead. To make matters worse, my poles were too long and I couldn't lift myself up off the ground properly, so Justin was getting tired from continuously lifting me off the ground. I was being a horrible failure. I fell and couldn't seem to get back up without falling again. Then, of course, the cute Australian ski patrol guy comes along and unclips his snowboard, helps Justin get me up, and causally suggests the kiddie slopes down the mountain. Nice. It was quite embarrassing. I felt bad about it, but once I got a hang of the beginner slopes I did alright. :) I had fun and wasn't falling by the time we went and had lunch with Mr. Spratt and Nathan. But skiing made me very sore. Hehe. I have gotta get in shape so I can be better next time. While the guys all went and did the black diamond runs (!!!) I stayed in the ski lodge place and watched a blizzard. Hehehe. It looked scary. I couldn't see very much out the windows it was snowing and blowing so hard. It was a relief to finally get out of all the ski gear at the end of the day. That stuff is painful. We drove back to the Spratt's house and quickly all showered and ate dinner and then went for coffee and dessert at Mr. Spratt's parent's house. The extended family seems pretty nice and everything. I had to try to be perfect for a few hours - LOL. But it was all good. The plane trip home from WA was a nightmare though - I won't go into details, but let me just say that my already red-eye flight left 2 hours late. Hehe.

-break for a half day -
Resuming where I left off...
Since then, I have done my college searches and went and visited with my family for a week, which went pretty normally. The little kids tried to convince me to stay fro "3 years" - and then five minutes later attacked me with paper balls and shouts of "GET HER!!!" Wow. So convincing.

I'm now at my friend's house and we're about to head out and go shopping... So far so good! I will put up a picture or two, maybe a scan of some artwork, later. Love you guys!

Ending poem:

“Voiceless”

Transparency

Always evident, opacity conquered by your gaze

Reality

Marring beauty, frozen in time to suffer endless days

Insecurity

Holding doubt, unable to see through the ghostly haze

I’m wandering, wondering,

How your eyes can view me clearly

Confused, and still shaking

Hating the mirrored reflection I see

-Not something you could desire-

Standing still and speechless

My heart grips you close, afraid to let go

No words to express my helplessness

And yet on the outside I feel so cold and alone

The still-unvoiced fact unchanging

The brighter the light, the darker is the shadow.

Transparency

Once evident, opacity shorn away, to bring to light

Reality

Beauty marred, exposed and suffering through endless night

Insecurity

Unshakeable doubt, questioning my fragile insight

The complexity of something lost,

The necessity to burn and fall;

Find my place in ruin,

Unable to answer your persuading call.

(I only fell so hard because I rose so high)

Somewhere, bound deep in my heart, lie

Deathlike darkness and empty chains

To join your empty words, our empty names

My thoughts creating uncertainty, yet afraid to let this go

The still-unvoiced fact unchanging

The brighter the light, the darker is the shadow.

And I am voiceless

Your brilliancy should have cautioned me

My shadows should have warned me

You gave me wings and I burned them

I gave you my heart, my soul, and you tore them

And once having risen, the only way to return

Is to fall.

Modesty

2006-10-26T08:30:00.000-07:00

I have read some very interesting things lately, provoking my thoughts on the subject of modesty. It has come to my attention that there are flagrant violations of God’s commandments concerning modesty everywhere, even among the Christian community. And yet while this is true, there are also the caring Christians who take this to the other end of the spectrum in their fervent desire to stay away from the “edge of the cliff,” as the division between sin and a faithful walk with Christ is often termed.

I Timothy 2
v 8) I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;
v 9) in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,
v 10) but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.

These are the verses most often referred to on the subject of modesty, written by Paul to Timothy sometime during the years 62-67 AD, as near as Biblical scholars can pinpoint. While researching the topic, I was really blown away by the thought of how amazingly the Bible has been preserved and how detailed it is in describing the customs of the times – whether in condemning them or commanding them.

The Greek and Roman forms of dress, particularly women’s dress, were very similar – long, draped clothing in layers. Women’s dresses were all very much alike, embroidery and the stola (the Roman symbol of a woman’s marriage and limited to be worn only by those who were married) being the few things to set their clothing apart from others. Since they were only permitted to distinguish themselves by their “elegance, finery, and beautiful clothes” (Full quote: “Women cannot partake of magistracies, priesthoods, triumphs, badges of office, gifts, or spoils of war; elegance, finery, and beautiful clothes are women's badges, in these they find joy and take pride, this our forebears called the women's world.” - Livy, History of Rome 34.5), they adorned themselves with extremely elaborate hairstyles and jewelry. I found these two sites particularly helpful:
Roman Clothing: http://www.vroma.org/~bmcmanus/clothing2.html
Greek Clothing: http://www.richeast.org/htwm/Greeks/costume/costume.html
Places like Corinth and Thessalonica were of Roman rule, where Ephesus and Philippi were under Greek power.

The dress of the times being known, we then look at the verses themselves. Paul begins the sentence with v 8 – “I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;” – and continues in v 9 with a phrase concerning women – “in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,”.

The verse under current examination would be verse 9 - “in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,”.

The women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation. I want to stop and look at the meaning of these words a moment.
According to Merriam-Webster, the word propriety is defined by four options, two of which are obsolete.

1) obsolete : true nature
2) obsolete : a special characteristic : peculiarity
3) : the quality or state of being proper : appropriateness
4) a : conformity to what is socially acceptable in conduct or speech b : fear of offending against conventional rules of behavior especially between the sexes c plural : the customs and manners of polite society

I think Paul’s meaning of this word propriety is easily narrowed down to 3 and/or 4)a, more likely 3. “The quality or state of being proper : appropriateness.” We can see what was usually worn by both cultures of the day is extremely dissimilar to anything like that which we wear in these times. So what are we to do concerning this “desire” that Paul requested of the Corinthians in our own daily lives? I would say it is a matter, indeed, of propriety. What is APPROPRIATE? Does it relate to where we live, the society we grew up in, the places we go, the things we do?

In Las Vegas, an outfit exposing midriff, the entire length of the legs, and as much cleavage as possible is considered appropriate. Would I wear such a thing? No. Some places in India require women to dress in long lengths of cloth shrouding their entire forms and veils to hide their hair and faces. Would I wear something like that? No. There are no specifications given to us as to what is and what is not considered appropriate. It is left to the conscience and our God-given knowledge of right and wrong. In my personal life, I choose to avoid exposure of my womanly body parts and to still wear what I like. My clothing choices usually include things that induce odd responses from other people; I prefer everything to be in black, Victorian stylized, fishnets, corsets, heels or platforms on my shoes, and extremes in my makeup. I have pale skin and dark hair and people may say I look evil and joke with me about Vampirism. This does not mean I am immodest in my dress, nor does it mean I am seeking attention; it is simply beyond what society considers "normal".

I myself do not wish to tell anyone what is or is not appropriate; I leave that to the determination of the reader and his or her conscience; but I do believe we all could dwell a moment on this subject.

Fragility

2006-08-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

Drawn to illustrate my poem Fragility. Self-modeled.

A Leaf In Winter

2006-08-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Drawn to illustrate my poem The Definition Of Love. Used a dead leaf and sticks as model.

Sorrow

2006-08-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

Artwork completed 8/16/2006. Self-modeled (minus the slashed wrist). Intentionally left rough and unfinished. I drew it while frustrated and depressed and hopefully managed to convey some of the emotion I was feeling into the drawing.

So beautiful.

2006-08-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Hello, people.

2006-08-21T16:13:00.000-07:00

I am officially on the network and messaging people again. I can get pretty much any messenger out there, so if you want to talk to me, send me your ID and the proper messenger to add that ID to. :) Much love and looking forward to talking to everyone!

~Ashley~

Random quote from me.

2006-08-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

"All the riches in the world cannot be sustained without honesty, trust, and faith in something. For then where would we be? Lost and wandering in darkness and nothing but oblivion ahead. It's where true happiness lies..."

August 21st, 2006, 2:36 p.m. Someone may recognize this.

Muahahahaaaaa

2006-08-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm here at Lanier Tech. Just finished taking ALL my GED practice testing - whooooo! I scored above and beyond on all 5 tests, with the range being the lowest 610 and the highest 800 (as high as possible). The 610 was like, math, which I figured I wouldn't do so hot on anyway, but yeah. I'm coming back over the next few days to work on my writing - I had a perfect score on the questions, but my conclusion on my essay was a bit weak, so he couldn't give me a perfect score for that (I got a 5 out of 6 though). The writing teacher here has been here for 18 months and no one's failed writing since then, so she's gotta be good. :) So, it's all happiness.

All my paperwork is filled out and I'm going to mail it off this afternoon. YES. I feel like I'm going somewhere with this! :D I'm excited and I can't wait to start college... I found out today that b/c I'm living in Forsyth county, they have a program that will pay for my GED, and that as soon as I take the GED they give me a $500 voucher for college - so that is going to be a HUGE help! Plus he says there are all sorts of scholarships I can get for college. :)

Anyway, I'm going to run. Hope everyone has an awesome week!

LOVE AND HUGS!

~Ashley~

P.S. The thing about last Saturday. It's official. I have the most awesome best friend EVER. Anyone who contradicts me shall have their eyes sporked out. :P

And the results are...

2006-08-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

ASHLEY KICKS ASSEMENT TESTING BUTT! YES!!!!!!!!!!! GO ME!!!!!!!!! I scored as high as possible in every area of my GED assesment test, a 12.9. *jumps up and down happily* This means no classes, just take the practice testing, send the results in to the state, get approval for me to take the GED from them, and take the GED. Since I'm going to be totally and completely occupied between this upcoming Saturday and next Wednesday, I'm going to start taking the practice tests next Thursday. If I fit them into my schedule properly, I can get those bad boys out of the way and be all done by the following Monday. Then I send the package of stuff in to the state, they approve me, and I take the big test. Once I have results from that and the SAT (scheduled for October 14th), I can send in all my stuff for my college application. Yayness. :D I want to go to Georgia Perimeter College (www.gpc.edu) and go ahead and get that associates degree in arts. I want to do summer school to get it out of the way as quickly as possible so I can move on to an art university and then to my lovely exciting criminal sciences. :)

Anyway, I'm totally psyched that I did so well. I can hardly believe myself. :P :D Can't wait to get finished with all this crap and into college. Classes, finally!

Let me run before I start bouncing off the sides of my blog here. :P

~An extremely happy Ashley~

Sally Lunn's - coolest tearoom ever!

2006-08-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

To the right of the entrance.

The main window, with the sign in it, from the inside (left of the entrance)

Outside. PINK doors, huh?

More of the inside.

This was our table!

And now for a long overdue news update...

2006-08-06T10:29:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sure those of you who don't chat with me often have been waiting for the answer to the question - What goes on in Ashley's life? I can't tell you the greatest, the best, and the most wonderful current news until a bit later this month, but I can at least try to give you somewhat of an update.

Last Wednesday I took an assessment test so that I can get my GED and go to college. This upcoming Wednesday we're going to meet with the instructors and find out my scores and what I need to work on. The lady who gave me the pre-test did say that I scored very highly on that though, so I'm hopeful. I am going to take the SAT this fall and can hopefully be in college by this spring to get my associates degree in Art before moving on to a university. I am praying all goes well and that despite my utter lack of any form of high school transcript, I will be able to get into college. David wants me to write a book about not being "One of THOSE People" who acquire the GED; I actually think it could be a good idea, and David says it will help pay for college (I can't get the HOPE Scholarship until my second semester). I'd record interviews with other GED students, and get their life stories and learn from them what prompted them to acquire the GED. What think you people?

Here's the ideal set up: Associate's degree in Art, Art University, and then a degree in Criminal Sciences so I can actually make money, not be bored, and have a very profitable job. Yay.

I got my second piercings in my ears - yay. They look good. They're white gold (which basically looks exactly like silver). I'll post a picture as soon as I'm done with this. :)

I've been doing plenty of research on the West Memphis Three, as some of you might have noticed by my most recent post excluding this one. The more I read, the angrier I get at the prosecutors, the judge, the people of the state, and the media surrounding those events. The gross errors made by the law and the abuse of the legal system disgust me. If it weren't so horribly true it would be almost unbelievable.

A few weeks ago I went with Lisa and Catherine to New Jersey. Anything in the city or around the turnpike in NJ sucks. The little towns and outside the city are good. I liked this town we visited a lot, it's called Chester. I'll post pictures - we ate at this awesome little tea room called Sally Lunn's (http://www.sallylunns.com/). I got Lydia's bday present at a cool little shop there, too.
I saw Pirates of the Caribbean : Dead Man's Chest while up there, at a theater near the first hotel we stayed at - SUCH A COOL MOVIE! I LOVE JOHNNY DEPP. He's so sexy. Mmmm. Eyeliner rocks.
Babysitting a 4 year old locked into a hotel room because it's raining outside and the pool is closed SUCKS, though. Ick. Talk about spring fever in the middle of the summer...

My life shall soon revolve around church, work, and - eek - school. I shall be busier than ever.

I went shopping yesterday. It was really depressing and annoying. I have felt fat and gross ever since. *sigh* Jeans especially - Most 7s don't fit me, and the ones that do are still incredibley too long for my legs. I ended up buying a pair, but it's looking like I'll only be able to wear them with my boots unless I take them up. GRR. I don't like being so SHORT! I got some cute skirts though, and a couple tops.

Counselling was today. It went pretty okay. It had been a while since I'd last seen Jason, so it was nice to get to unload on someone with a degree. :)

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Yeah. If you don't know already, then you'll find out next Thursday or sometime. :)

I gotta run, just thought I'd give a quick update. Love and good health to all!

~Ashley~

While I'm At It

2006-08-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd post this up as an extreme example of what can happen within the judicial system, and as a plea to those of you who might care to help them.

Read the stories. Go over the facts. The true facts.

Read Mara Leveritt's book "Devil's Knot: The True Story of the West Memphis Three."

Read Damien Echol's book "Amost Home, Vol. 1".

The lives of three innocent men have been destroyed by the perversion and prejudice within the system of the law. They were imprisoned as teenagers; one sentanced to death by lethal injection, two imprisoned for life.

In reading the stories of these three men, I have not felt so strongly about anything outside of my religion and love. It infuriates me to no end. I'm not going to stand helpless and watch the injustice; I will act. What will you do?

Final Words Addressed To ALL

2006-07-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

It seems to me that I have done nothing other than inserted a stick into a hornet's nest with my last post. I was somewhat surprised by the amount of response I received through both email and as comments on my blog. I'd like to thank all of you who have replied for taking the time to do so.

Sometimes I think the truth hurts more than it heals. Maybe it's true; maybe it just takes more than the truth.

Wherever I go, it won't matter what I do or how I act, there will always be those who will judge me. I'm not one of those people who will ever fit into society - niether the society of the RPNA(General Meeting), nor of the world. And that seems, in the eyes of so many, to make me unacceptable.

I am who I am, and am not ashamed of that, nor of what I believe. I love my God first, and after Him I love my people, my clothing, my music, my artwork, my writing; and my choices in those and your opinions or previous definitions of who/what they are or mean should not define for you who I am.

It distresses me, however, at the hypocrisy in calling ourselves Christians, and being so willing to judge at the same time. Are we not commanded, "Judge not, lest ye be judged" (Matthew 7:1, also Luke 6:37)? And yet everywhere I turn, I see countless fingers pointing at countless others. Jesus said that he did not come to judge the world, but to save it, and as Christians, are we not supposed to strive to be like Him?

You may challenge me, and my acceptance of others, but remember, Christ sat at the same table as tax collectors and great sinners. I am not here to judge you, nor condemn you; and I am not here to judge or condemn anyone else. If there is something good to be appreciated about someone or something, then I shall say so.

I'd also like to say that at this point I am not going to hold theological discussions with anyone, as I am still going through the long process of reading the Bible to determine what's Truth and what is not in that which I have believed. I may or may not hold to beliefs which you, whoever you are, find acceptable. Regardless of that, I do not wish to talk to you about it, as no matter what I say, you're going to be right. In the numerous discussions I've had with people belonging to the RPNA(General Meeting), the greater majority have closed their minds and are not open for discussion or anything which might challenge what they believe - but are perfectly willing to challenge my beliefs. I am not going to name anyone specifically; I understand my statements of the RPNA(General Meeting) in an earlier post caused pain among some of you, and have no wish to further anything you may feel. I did not intend by my words to injure, and I apologize for doing so. There are many of you whom I do love and respect. My heart goes out to you all. I do not profess to be broken by the continued maintaining of your beliefs, as some have claimed of me; for I am made whole by Christ, and none can harm me through Him. I accept your brotherly and sisterly love and admonishments, but for now, I would ask that you save your admonishments for a time when we are a more accepting people, and then if you still so desired, claim what you will of me. I do not deny that I have been very guilty of the sin of judging in the past, and even recently, though I strive to be consistent and do what He would, especially in the matter, as I personally know how much it can hurt people.

This is the last I will say on this topic. You may respond as you wish, and I will be happy to post your comments - we are all entitled to our own opinions, and should have the freedom and ability to voice them - but I will not respond to those comments.

Again in response to blog commentator.

2006-07-20T05:09:00.000-07:00

Hello again.

First of all, I do wish to say I believe you ARE genuinely concerned for my welfare. And I do respect that. I appreciate your concern. And I do appreciate you having the courage to voice your opinion and concern, even though that courage was very much taken away from by your posting such a comment anonymously. They say one of the greatest kind of friends is one who will stand up to his/her friends for what is right (or she/he believes to be right). You stood up, yes, but again stood down by your lack of identification. It is that fact that has me disturbed and confused, not what you have said to me. We could be having such conversations privately: should you still wish to do so, my email address is quite available, and all you have to do is ask. But, in posting a comment like that on a public blog, and not including your name, though it was perhaps very courageous of you to post something like what you said publicly, you have also forced me to make it public. Which may have been your purpose; I am not sure. What I do have no doubts about is that you are a member of the RPNA(General Meeting) or have once been affiliated with them, due to the nature of your comment and the fact that somewhere I have read something you've written before, as my brain recognizes your writing style. I do not however remember or associate such writing style with your identity. Should you expose yourself somewhere along the way, I believe I can respect you more; at the moment, I can only give you the respect due to anonymous commentators.

At this point, I wish to merely make a public statement of my faith, and to state my beliefs.
I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God, and that He came to this world as one person, both God and man, to die for the sins of those who have faith in Him, and to save them from hell and eternal damnation. I have faith in Him and pray to my Saviour daily for the forgiveness of sins I have commited each day and have the faith that He does so. I was born in sin and He is my only hope, my only purpose, the only reason I live today. He has given me the freedom to live with purpose and to the end that someday I may worship Him in everlasting glory, being perfect and without sin as He has promised.
In my faith, I have separated myself from the RPNA(General Meeting). I have found many discrepancies in their belief and practice, and many places where they have chosen to ignore things the Bible makes very clear, or to twist things that are clear into something opaque and vague to decieve those who follow them. They have created idols from the teachings of men, and this I believe to be sin, as the Bible very clearly says we are to have no other gods (Exodous 20:3, Duet. 5:7). If we believe the Bible to be the inspired word of God, then we should also believe that it is our only guide to truth and light through Him (II Tim. 3:16, II Peter 1:19-22). I believe the RPNA(General Meeting) have strayed widely from these teachings.
I am assured of my salvation through Jesus Christ, by faith alone, and He has never failed me, and continues to uphold me through every step I take. I live in Christ, and am myself according to who I am in Him, not who you nor anyone else decrees me to be. I hold myself to standards I believe realistic and Biblical. Not your standards, nor what you believe to be Biblical. I have not freedom or liberty through Satan, but through my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

I do not deny my sin, and there are things I have done that will permantently affect me and others. I appreciate your admonition, as I believe you thought me well-deserving and needful of it. But do not judge me, for it is God alone who will judge me; and do not make accusations nor assumptions based on false information, or without knowing the full story. You have not come to me with questions, or asked me what I believe, nor even given me your name in faith and friendship.

I have both physical and emotional scars from the years I spent associated with the RPNA(General Meeting). Many of these are scars I myself created. Perhaps, had I been led differently, many would not be there; however, I take full responsibilty for myself, my actions, and who I am today, because I am responsible for myself, and no other. I will blame no one, and continue to fight the good fight, because this fight is worth fighting.

Thank you all. If you wish to respond to this, I would be inclined to respect the inclusion of a name.

In response to "concerned for my welfare"

2006-07-19T20:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you for your thoughts and opinions. I, however, find it somewhat cowardly of you to post a comment of such a nature and neglect to leave your name or identity. I moderate my comments, and chose to publish this particular one anyway, that I might have the opportunity to respond to it. For those who did not see it, I will copy-paste it here that you may:

"Dear Ashley,
I hope that you will reconsider the path that you are following now for "the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 6:23) Please return from the path that Satan is laying for you. He promises you liberty but rather you will find yourself in his tenacious, unrelenting grip, becoming hopeless and falling into despair. Please turn to the Lord and let Him help you in the hour of your need.
Also, remember that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, which you have of God and you are not your own. You were bought with the precious blood of Christ, and therefore you must glorify the Lord in your body and in your spirit which are His. (I Corinthians 6:19,20)Please flee that which the world offers you. it is just like a sugar coated poisonous candy- looking good on the outside, but when you bite into it, you will feel the inevitable results.Please, Ashley, don't forsake the Lord, for if you forsake Him, you well know what will be the results, and I would hate to see that happen to you.
~concerned for your welfare"

Now, I know I'm not going to change your mind about this, but, tomorrow, I am going to post a response more worthy than of what I could give you tonight, since tonight I am tired, and not feeling well, and could respond more clearly and focused once I have slept on this. Tonight I simply will say that, I know where I am with God, and you do not, and the fact that whoever you are, you had such lack of nerve as to post something like this anonymously, is what disturbs me, not your thoughts in and of themselves. If you want to say something to me, say it, but have the guts to also say who you are. I can't help but say that my respect for you, even if you later tell me who you are, has gone down considerably by this comment. To have the courage to tell me something like this to my face and as a friend, would make me respect you more, regardless of whether I believe your views to be correct; but such cowardice apalls me.

Thank you, and good night. You will hear more from me tomorrow.

In all Love and Sincerity,

~Ashley~

P.S. The telemarketing and used-by-many trick of repeating my name several times during a conversation will not work on me. Save yourself some typing.

I want it...

2006-07-04T19:54:00.000-07:00

On my shoulder blade!

No Rest For The Wicked

2006-07-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

www.forthewicked.net

Absofriggenlutely awesome.

Earthsong

2006-07-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

www.earthsongsaga.com VERY COOL.

INVERLOCH

2006-07-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

www.seraph-inn.com GO THERE PEOPLE!

cool

2006-06-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

LOL, this is a funny one

2006-05-08T14:19:00.000-07:00

Which freaky subway person is Ashley?

The guy that sings to himself at the top of his lungs.

'Which freaky subway person are you?' at QuizGalaxy.com

ok, update

2006-05-08T13:04:00.000-07:00
Well...I now know just how much crap I gotta do this summer as far as school catch-up goes. The guy from the private Christian home school organization (called Veritas) that we're going through to get my high school diploma and finish my school is being really nice and I realize he's also being really lenient due to the "originality" of my situation.
I have almost no records to prove I've done anything. Therefore, this summer, I have to review and take final exams on Algebra 1 and Geometry, begin again and complete Algebra 2, finish Physical Science, read about 50 books, begin Spanish 1 (and over the next year and a half finish 2 years of Spanish), and work on my history. Then during the school year I have double sciences (biology and chemistry), advanced Algebra and Trig, Government and Economics, World History, and other basics, while continuing the Spanish. Next summer I will catch up on Health and Physical Fitness and anything else I need, while finishing up Spanish and anything else that needs work. I'm going to be busy, to say the least. While keeping up with my art work.

Speaking of - I made my first attempt at anime on Sunday, and that was also my first drawing on black paper. I'm not impressed with it, but for being a double first I guess it's not awful. I may try to get a pic of it and put it up here for you guys to see, along with photos of any of my unfinshed paintings. :)

I've been doing some reading lately...I read Animal Farm and I'm working on Dracula. Trying to catch up on the must-reads list for college...I never read some of the really important ones with all those great political statements. Animal Farm is a great short book to read, and if anyone wants it, my best friend sent it to me in a PDF so I could FW it to you.

And while I'm on the topic of email - I have a new Yahoo! ID to replace the old one...It is "blackthornsandbloodyroses" and the email is that @yahoo.com. I'm using gmail more now though...My trust in Yahoo! is forever gone. :/ I don't have hardly any of the email addresses that were stored in petalsofadyingrose and now I have to rebuild and hope I can one way or another locate them all. *snarls deeply* It just ticks me off that Y! would do that.

I gotta hit the sack...Counselling session tomorrow morning. I'm also taking pictures of the new hair for all those of you who keep bugging me. :P :P :P

LOVE!

~Ashley~

email address...

2006-05-08T11:50:00.000-07:00
Hey Guys. My Yahoo! email address is down. Please send all emails to ash.lee.shaw@gmail.com until I can get it fixed, k? Also, as I don't have hardly anyone's addresses stored in my gmail account, can everyone please send me a this-is-my-email-address email? I appreciate it. :)
Sorry for the inconvenience. Also, you may want to re-send anything you've sent me over the past four days, because that is how long it's been down.

Thanks and I apologize for Y! being crappy. This is thouroughly disgusting me.

~Ashley~

Weird one...

2006-05-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

You Are Karamel Sutra

Plain on the outside, but once someone gets in, they're stuck
What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

I'm A Warrior - Sort of...

2006-05-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

Developing Warrior
65 Virtue, 75 Outer Harmony, 70 Inner Harmony

You are the Developing Warrior.

Virtue: A lower score of Virtue sets you as a kind of person who does the right thing when it suits you, but it tends to suit you more often than not. A higher score means you could be a genuine's Virtuous person. The Virtues are not as concrete as I have attempted to set them out in my test. In making decisions you have the options to personify countless different Virtues and in choosing one Virtue you may instead be indirectly choosing another. Making the right decision is never an easy choice, but at least for you, you try your best to do so.

Outer Harmony: Your Harmony with your body and how you are act in relation to the Warrior are well developed, and worthy of the Way. Perhaps some aspects are a little too esoteric or awkward for you. Maybe one day you will come to understand them fully, or maybe not. It is your Way and no one else's.

Innter Harmony: You are harmonized with the Way within yourself. Some aspects of the Warrior are difficult to live. Work on improving yourself mentally and spiritually and the rest of the Way will begin to reveal itself in all aspects of your life.

You've taken quite the journey down the Way. Probably each day you are discovering more and more about the Way and yourself. There is only one thing really holding you back from the next level. You lack the Virtue to propel you into greatness. You might want to rethink about what is important in life.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Virtue

You scored higher than 99% on Outer Harmony

You scored higher than 99% on Inner Harmony
Link: The Way Test written by weltall on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

whaddya know...my eyes are BROWN

2006-05-01T21:38:00.000-07:00

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart
What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Let me note...

2006-05-01T21:05:00.000-07:00
Also, having gotten off the phone with my parents, let it be known to all my friends that my mom is denying ever having said any of the things that so severely upset me this morning. I am not here going to retract any of my statements, nor will I under any coercion nor order. I am in no fault here. Also let it be known that two different shrinks have said that I am NOT insane. Therefore, I quite possibly may not be the problem in this situation.
Thank you.

PS

2006-05-01T18:08:00.000-07:00
Read the story "Harrison Bergeron" by Kurt Vonnegut. It can be found here: http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html It isn't very long, so everyone do it now! And then let me know what you think.

So yah

2006-05-01T15:33:00.000-07:00
I've had somewhat a fascination for blogthings lately. They're pretty cool, and most of them amazingly accurate for random tests.
Things are going horribly with my family. I've just today been accused of having no relationship with God, and that the only reason I left my family and the church is because they are not of the world and I just want to be of the world. Isn't that great? It made me feel just awesome. And if you can't hear the obvious sarcasm in my words, you probably should stop reading here.
I have not been feeling well since about 10 30 am this morning, when I began a conversation with my mom. She pretty much did nothing but make groundless accusations throughout the conversation and proceeded to devastate me with the knowledge that she could even think that I'm so horrible. So I haven't been feeling very good today. I am blown away by the degree of mistrust and faulty assumptions my parents, my mom in particular, have for me. But I'm not going to put you all through my personal hell by relating that side of my life.
One of the things that really depressed me though was that I was supposed to go down to Forsyth today and pick up what few school records I actually have, get my art stuff, and work and see my friends. It didn't happen because my mom flipped out. :(

On a good note, I met some of my new youth group this past week and they seem very nice, and none of them are judgemental or anything, so it's nice. I think I may be the only Goth within a 20 mile radius of where my cousins live, so it's interesting how people look at me. I'm totally cool with the knowledge of how weird they think I am though, because in general, I think THEY are weird! Hah. It's interesting. Pink has been my enemy for a while, and I seem to be surrounded by it - even about 1/6 the guys (and I'm talking about the STRAIGHT ones here) wear the freakin' color. I'm also surrounded by perfect, slender bodies adorned with well-fitting clothes and five-hundred-dollar designer purses. They guys all look like jocks and the girls mostly look like cheerleaders. Black is shunned, and I even had a random guy sit down at the same table with me after Inside Out (the youth get-together at church) and try to convince me to stop wearing black - and sneakily, too. He "challenged" me to not wear black for a week. I'm like, dude, I don't have a wardrobe large enought of non-black clothes. I mean, come ON, people. It's almost laughable. The closest anoyone comes to being Goth up here is punk, and the "p" in "punk" also stands for "preppie". I'm totally serious. I wish I had the money one of these people spends on just clothing and accesories every year. I'd be so rich. But anyway. The people in my small group actually seem to be fairly down-to-earth people, so that's good. I'm glad I didn't get stuck with the girls who put shopping as a HOBBY. No kidding, I watched about 8 of a group of 12 put that down. Is this not insane?!?!!? *growls deeply* I just don't know what is the matter with people, anyway.

Lisa and Catherine and I went to a goat show this past Saturday. What was really funny was watching Lisa freak out over things I'm totally used to. Goats peeing or crapping wherever, for one. LOL. They're animals, they do that! it was just kinda funny. I showed goats and talked to some people about selling my babies. That way my family won't be taking care of them or feeding them. :) I have 1 milker, 3 yearlings, and one baby that I'll be selling for sure - and maybe 1 more yearling. I'm leaving them with my grade milker. Hopefully they'll all sell well.

Oh, and I got my hair cut. I'm going to try to get pics soon. I didn't like it at first, but now I do. It's pretty neat. I'm going to get it highlighted in my dream combo soon too...Dark red highlights and black shadowlights. Pur-tay! :P

I gotta run but thought you guys might like an update.

LOVE YOU ALL!!!

~Ashley~

I KNEW IT

2006-05-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!
How Scary Are You?

Mostly true....

2006-05-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Interestingly accurate

2006-05-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Your Birthdate: November 29
You have the mind of an artist, even if you haven't developed the talent yet.Expressive and aware, you enjoy finding new ways to share your feelings.You often feel like you don't fit in - especially in traditional environments.You have big dreams. The problem is putting those dreams into action.
Your strength: Your vivid imagination
Your weakness: Fear of failure
Your power color: Coral
Your power symbol: Oval
Your power month: November
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Theme Song...

2006-05-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

Your Theme Song is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd
"There is no pain, you are receding.A distant ship?s smoke on the horizon.You are only coming through in waves."
You haven't been feeling a lot lately, and you think that's a good thing.The comfortable part is nice... but you should really work on numb.
What's" Your Theme Song?

I'm a slacking loser, aren't I?

2006-04-05T09:11:00.000-07:00
Gah, It's been for-freakin'-ever, hasn't it?!?!? I feel horrible. I have said forever that I would update. You guys can feel free to smack me if you want, I deserve it. I've started writing things over and over and just never got around to posting them and then they'd get too old to post and the cycle went on and on. I suck as a blogger. I am actually determined to post every week or two from now on, and if I don't, send me hate mail. :P

Right now things are a bit weird. I have moved out of my parents house until they can make a lot of positive changes. And I'm not going to believe that the people who've told me they want ot change over and over and promised change repeatedly and it's just never happened actually have changed until I get confirmation from a trusted source...IOW, my sister Rachel, who has finally in the past month or so started thinking for herself, loosening up, actually smiling, and, WONDER OF WONDERS - hugging people! She's very cool now and I enjoy talking to her (email me, sis) a ton and I trust her judgement.

I lost half of this due to laptop malfunction and battery loss, so I'm going to do a re-cap.

I'm staying with my cousins David and Lisa and their daughter Catherine (age 4) right now. They're cool, but it's getting boring...I haven't met anyone my age, or even SEEN anyone my age who isn't a preppy...Even the GOTHS are preppy! It's freaking RIDICULOUS. I'm surrounded by rich kids. It's awful.

We went to see Ice Age 2 this past weekend. It was really cute and funny.

I'm reading a cool book by Patricia A. McKillip called "Alphabet of Thorns". It's really neat and McKillip-ish. I highly reccomend.

I'm all depressed and moodswingy most of the time. One second I'll be flying high, the next I'm slit-my-wrists depressed. It's annoying.

I'm depressed about my weight...I can't get skinny again. Last summer I actually looked good, and now I'm just all icky and gross. I should go on a diet and excersize, but I can't seem to find the time or be picky enough to choose the right foods. I hate myself.

I want to get my ears double pierced next week...Should be fun, whatcha think? I'm thinking about getting a ring in the upper cartilage too, but I dunno, I've heard they're hard to keep up. Somebody say something.

I FINALLY found my HIM CD - It's so awesome!!!!! "Under The Rose" is one of my favorite songs EVER. It's GORGEOUS, and the lyrics are awesome.
They are:

I dream of the winter in my heart turning to spring
While the ice gives way under my feet
And so I drown with the sun
I've been burning in water and drowning in flame
To prove you wrong and scare you away
I admit my defeat and want back home
In your heart under the rose
I open my eyes with a sigh of relief
As the warmth of summer's sunlight dances around me
And I see you with dead leaves in your hands
I've been burning in water and drowning in flame
To prove you wrong and scare you away
I admit my defeat and want back home
In your heart under the rose

Are those not beautiful, tragical words? I love the "Burning in water and drowning in flame" bit.
I love all their other music too though. They are some AWESOME musicians. Ville is a little girly, but I don't care. :P

I gotta run finish cooking dinner here. Will post with news and maybe pictures soon - Linz did a short photoshoot with me. Some of them turned out pretty good. :)

~ASHLEY~
~Dying Rose~

Genie (coworker and cousin) and her fiance Will

2005-12-27T18:37:00.000-08:00
Ah, they're so cute together! :) Genie is a great friend and buddy of mine. :)

My cousin Drew

2005-12-27T18:20:00.000-08:00

SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHH!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!! :P :D

My Uncle Matt, mom's older brother

2005-12-27T18:12:00.000-08:00

Midnight Moonlight...

2005-12-18T13:39:00.000-08:00
I think it's just awesome! :)

Pictures from a visit with the Royal gals.

2005-12-18T13:29:00.000-08:00

My brother Jesse, before his haircut. :P He hates the camera.

L2R: My sister Rachel, Jesse making a horrendous face in the back, Bella Royal, Maria Royal, and Laura Royal.

GROUP HUG!!! Laura, the back of my head, and my sister Rachel.

Laura Royal and Elette Birchfield

Laughter - Left to right: me, with a curtain of hair for a face and almost doublled over laughing weirdly; Maria's legs; my brother Jesse attempting to flee camera; Laura; and Bella.

Lovelies - left to right: Laura, Maria, my sister Rachel, and Bella.

A weird fall sunrise

2005-12-18T13:17:00.000-08:00

First light...

It really was this color!

Pretty!

I love this one. Everything was golden-grey...It actually got darker and darker from then on, ending with the entire sky covered in rain clouds.

Moon in the morning...

2005-12-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

This was a couple days ago. Awesome, aye?

Hiding

2005-12-18T13:09:00.000-08:00

She's adorable! This is an old picture of when Cricket and his siblings were tiny. This is Squeegie. She went home to a nice family. :)

Elisabeth, so lovely

2005-12-18T13:06:00.000-08:00

My adorable kitty...Cricket!

2005-12-17T17:13:00.001-08:00
Prince of Cuteness himself...On the prowl.

LINZ AND RICHARD - they're so cute:D

2005-12-17T17:06:00.000-08:00

Hello my peoples!

2005-12-17T10:48:00.000-08:00
Enrty of news from a Winter Rose...

My little sister Victoria is starting to walk a little bit. She will walk alongside tables and holding on to stuff, and this morning she let go and took one tiny step (about 3 inches) completely by herself before grabbing my hands and running into my arms. So cute. She looked so happy and proud of herself, too. LOL. She’s adorable. My fam says that she looks like me a lot. I’m like, okay, whatever. :D Babies can be soooo adorable.

Last night I went out with Linz, Trenton, and Richard to eat dinner. They kept me late at the P&P and I started splashing some acrylics together b/c I don’t have stuff set up for oils there yet (otherwise I’d have been finishing my other oil painting). Linz was like, “Okay, today you have to be creative.” LOL. So she sat me down with a canvas and my acrylics and said I had to do a profile of a person using something she’d just taught me. I started out pretty stiff, as always when I first start something, so she had me stop and told me to cover the entire canvas with one color. I was feeling moody and just squirted a bunch of blue and red and magenta out and spread it all over the canvas, ending up with a bunch of streaked and smoothed blue-red-purple-magenta darkness. It looks really cool though. I ended up getting okayed and easier with the paint and put a moon low in what was then not a background but a violent darkness of a night sky and adding the highlights from the moon. I decided to put a dragon in the sky. He’s based on one of my vydgoth from Ithiel, the country in my story. He’s at tilted angle with wings sweeping across most of the canvas – one at an angle across the highlighted sky and will have the moon shining through it. He’s going to be silver and beautiful. :) I think it will turn out well and Linz says it looks really good, so that is encouraging. :D I’m doing it all without any preliminary sketching, with is a first and a little scary for me. :S I’m going to have fun now that a lot of the mess has been cleaned up. :) There’s still stuff to do but it’s mostly done. :) Yay!
Anyway, after that I went over to the extension office and got my pictures for DPA and I’m going to use Photoshop to make them pretty with some pics from my own collection. Then we went up to Golden Corral, a big buffet place, and went out to eat. It was fun and they’re such cool people. :D

We’re talking about going to see King Kong this Wednesday. Some of my fam are going to go see Narnia and then Linz and me and Trenton and Richard are probably going to go see King Kong. It looks really cool. :)

I had a friend of mine come in to the store so I could draw his eyes, but before I’d get one done they’d already changed color. He has blue and grey and brown eyes and they change in shade every so often. LOL. I told him I needed to bring my camera and use that so I could take pictures of his eyes at different phases and use that instead of drawings for reference. They would change as soon as I was almost done with one color. LOL. :D

My room is MESS. As usual. I need to clean it today. I’ve already done my chore…I had to deal with the trash. I hate having to cart all the trash…It’s so gross, even when it’s too cold for many maggots. I wish we had some kind of incinerator that we could just throw all the trash in and burn it up without letting it sit and rot at all. YUCK. I also had to clean up the laundry/mud room, which was bad, b/c no one had really done it in forever. Heh. But I survived. :D

I now have two new annoying knobs of glue stuck to a wire that’s stuck behind my front teeth. The ortho appt earlier this week went well and it’s just been annoying…I’d forgotten how bad the glue tastes, LOL. It’s GROSS. I found a really cool model for paintings by talking to someone in my orthodontist’s office though. She looks like an elf and is really beautiful. I can’t wait to get her down for a photo shoot, probably next month sometime. :)

That’s my news for the week. I am posting some pics if I get a chance, so look forward to seeing some OLD pictures that I should’ve posted forever ago. LOL. :D

Talk to you guys later!

Love to all,

~Ash~Lee~Shaw~

My b-day

2005-11-30T13:50:00.000-08:00
My birthday was yesterday, people! I'm 17 now! Yay! I was cool and I got some awesome presents. Thankyou so much people for the cards and Happy-Birthday's, I really appreciate it.

Much love to all!

~Ashley~

Here it is, the long-awaited post from an unfaithful Rose of Winter

2005-11-26T08:33:00.000-08:00
Hello everyone.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Yes, she’s finally posting – amazing, huh? :P :P :P Muahaha. I know though, I’ve been a horrible blogger. I sincerely apologize and beg for forgiveness. Everyone gets a big hug. Greetings from the warm-ish South. LOL.

News is negligible b/c most of my news no one understands anyway. :P Buuuutttt, since I have people probably thinking I’m dead or something (LOL…not quiiiite yet. There are two things that have to happen before I die that haven’t yet. I’ll leave you guys guessing as to what could be this important…And it isn’t something stupid like visiting Egypt or such nonsense (though that would be neat), my things are far more important than that.), I shall post my news, such as it is.

Speaking of things that you want to happen before you die…I tag everyone who reads this (did I say EVERYONE? Yes, that means everyone…I’m talking to YOU) to tell me three things that you would like to happen before you die. They don’t have to be the most important, since I’m not going to tell you my two most important, but just give me 3 things. Here are 3 for me…

1) go to college (give me a few years on that one :P)
2) get my books and artwork published (that shouldn’t take toooo long though, if I can get my butt moving…Thanks to the best art teacher in the world for that being in sight! ---big eHug, Linz!!!---)
3)errmmmm… it would be nice to get married. But I don’t know about that one. It’ll have to be awhile before I die for that. LOL.

Okay, now onto my news.

We went to a goat show at the beginning of the year and did VERY well. We sold two goats there and left another there to be taken care of with some friends of ours who will take great care of her. My goats whipped butt. LOL. Especially our *other* goats’ butts. *evil grin* I got GCH LaMancha with Mocha, my chocolate doe, on both days (she missed getting legs by ONE goat, ARGH. But she beat Rachel’s goat! Yay. :P :P :P). One of my Jr LM’s, Syeda, got GCH and got her dry leg, so I don’t need to show her until she freshens now. Heh. It was very exciting. Some of our other goats did very well too; we came home with TONS of rosettes and would have that many trophies, but they ran out of trophies, so we *only* brought 9 of those home, LOL. We made a healthy profit from that show as well. :) Other goat news is that by the end of the month we should be down to 15 or 16 goats. We’ll be getting lots of kids next year though, heh, and not just from the few we’re breeding, b/c several people are going to be giving us kids back from breedings. LOL.

One reason I haven’t had time to post yet is b/c I have just started a full apprenticeship at The Prints and the Pauper, under Lindsay and Richard’s most wonderful teachings. I will be going 4 days a week (Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays) and will be there from opening (10 am, though they pick me up at 9 30/9 45) to around 4 pm, when either my dad picks me up or I go to work at Uncle Frank’s. So far it has been great. My math scores came up 20 points after I got help from Richard with my Algebra 2, and I do my schoolwork first thing when I get there to get it out of the way. Right now I’m working on basically trying to clean up the huge mess left by a former employee who, to say the least, didn’t do her job. I spent almost the entire day on Friday sorting and filing receipts from the past year. Richard helped me but it still took that long. We did manage to get the front desk pretty much organized and cleaned up. I’ve gotta do a little more cleaning up over there, but I went ahead and started on cleaning up a huge table in the back that is covered in…Stuff. LOL. I know I’m probably going to find even more receipts on that table, too. LOL. The other employee did practically NOTHING of what she was supposed to, and I am extremely aggravated with the disaster left in her wake. But it will all turn out okay in the end. It will all be good. :)
But yeah, the apprenticeship thing is and is going to be awesome. It’s very cool and I get way more school done way faster without any distractions going on. I can get it done in half the time now that I can THINK. LOL.

My job at Uncle Frank’s is going well. I’m making a decent amount of money and it’s not been a bad week at all. :)

We have a bunch of kitties left. We get to keep Cricket, the grey male, but we have to spay both our females. That’s the condition my dad gave us. Everytime we turn around it is MORE kitties, so it’ll be a good thing.

We also have a set of puppies again…Again, also Lab/Pyr mixes. Again, we started with eleven. We’re down to 8, but the rest all look fat happy and lively, so it’s doubtful if any more will die for us. Heh. We’ve named them all and taken each our *own* in charge. They’re all black, most with varying degrees of white markings on them. 5 males, 3 females. They’re just over 3 weeks old and very cute, except for one, which is the runt, and really ugly. :\ I have one male and one female, that I have named Justice (male) and Nobilee (female, pronounced NO-bil-EE). Rachel has 2 males (Rebel and Stonewall) and one female (Elsie Dinsmore, so named b/c she constantly whines, complains, is always running to momma about SOMETHING, and is the biggest wimp in the bunch). Hannah claimed the runt, a male (Jackpot, nicknamed The Ugly One, LOL), and another male (Black Jack), and a female (Jacquelyn, called Jackie). We tried to theme-name our bunches. Rachel’s are all WBTS time-period related, mine are basically ideas or beliefs of higher purpose (Nobilee is my take on a feminine form of nobility; not nobility as in one who is of higher rank, but one who acts noble, brave, kind, that sort of thing), and Hannah’s all have “Jack” in their names. LOL. Our purpose is to train them and keep ours out of trouble and be responsible for giving them away. :)

I went shopping earlier this week with my cousin Genie, and got a few things, but there wasn’t anything on sale yet b/c it was before and not after thanksgiving. However, I fully intend to go on a shopping spree and get CLOTHES soon, b/c I really need winter things and I have hardly anything.

Those of you in NY – pray that I can get permission to take a couple weeks off from work and make a trip up there the end of Dec, and that I can get the $$$ to do so as well. I’m trying! I’ve gotta get parental permission too though. I’m thinking sometime around the 3rd week-the 1st week of Jan. Help me keep an eye on ticket prices too! :D :D :D It’s be so fun to get to see everyone again and meet everyone I haven’t!

My birthday is the 29th!!! I’m very excited about being wow, seventeen. I bet that makes you people who knew me when I was 11 and 12 feel old, doesn’t it? :P :P I wish it was 18, though. :S One more year, one more year! YAY!

I have written several new poems since the last time I told you guys to look at my website. So if you’d like to read them, they’re there. I’m hoping to get another Chapter of Elf Blood up sometime soon. It’ll probably be after we get everything organized an running smoothly over at the Prints and the Pauper, but I’m hoping that won’t take as long as it looks like it might. :) :S

I’m also hoping that as soon as things are organized over there I will have time to develop a professional-looking website for myself. it will have a little of my history, who I am, and my artwork and poetry as my profession for people to look at and maybe go “Oh hey! She’s pretty good! I want some of her artwork!” :P LOL.

Weeeellll….That about covers it for now. Aren’t you guys proud of me for finally posting? LOL, yeah, right, you’re probably about ready to beat me over the head for it taking me so long. :D *embarrassed grin* Love and hugs to everyone, and again, I am sorry for not getting this out sooner. It was very bad of me.

~Ashley~

I'm SORRY!

2005-11-24T15:20:00.000-08:00
Hey Guys,

I'm really sorry about my negligence of this blog. No, I have not forgotten it, or the people who have messaged me saying "WRITE SOMETHING, ALREADY!!!" LOL. I apologize for my laxness. I'm currently working on a long post to put up on here and promise to have it up sometime this weekend.

Love to all and please forgive me!

~Ashley~

Apologies

2005-09-29T12:12:00.000-07:00
I am writing to apologize for the jerk who posted porn links in my blog comments. I hid the comments on that post and that shouldn't be there any more, but for those of you who clicked the link and had to deal with that crap, I am sorry. I've never clicked on any of the anonymous links posted in my comments for fear of getting stuff like that or else viruses, and would suggest that from now on everyone else please ignore them - for some reason I've been getting a lot of anonymous "Hey I like your blog go to this link!" crap lately. I'm sorry, guys! It sucks - And thanks David for your post, I totally agree! :D :P

Forever am I slow...

2005-09-21T17:11:00.000-07:00
Hey Guys,

I know I know, it's been forever. But it has been forever since I've been online! :( I still haven't caught up on everyone's blogs yet, or even my artwork. The only things I have been doing though is working, drawing, some writing, and getting ready, LAST MINUTE, for a goat show - something I never want to have to do again. ACK.
We stayed up three nights in a row this weekend for the three nights of full moon. There's something about a full moon that urges me to run naked outside and howl my throat sore. Yeah, anyway.
I was so exhausted after Monday. My mom is allowing us to take the week off from school to "recover" as we prepare for the goat show.LOL. I went to Lindsay's that afternoon and then went to work after that (always depressing, having to work after being at Lindsay's! But I got to work with Jake and Genie, which is always fun, so it wasn't TOO bad :P).
Then on Tuesday I went to Lindsay's again to work on my painting some more, and I ended up going to eat Mexican with them (yummy and cool both).
Today I have done nothing but clip goats and otherwise get ready for the show. I sent off a bunch of pics to John (guy I know through 4-H. He's really nice). Tomorrow we have an awards ceremony with 4-H and that should be interesting. :) I have to finish clipping goats. On Friday we have to completely pack up for the show and Rachel and I have to work. Then we leave out for the show at about 5 am Saturday morning. Rachel and maybe some of the younger kids are going to stay home and we're only taking a few goats for this one.

Okay, that's what I'm doing. There's a new poem on my fiction press site. I am working on another chapter of my story for those of you interested in such. I have also come up with some cool ideas for paintings that I'm going to do. :D

Song is "Silver Maiden" by Aina. Coolness.

Love and eHugs for all,

~Ashley~

Her Royal Adorableness...

2005-09-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

I'm going to EAT YOU!

2005-09-08T11:06:00.000-07:00
My baby sis. She's so cute!

Spikes

2005-09-08T11:02:00.000-07:00
I shan't say a word. It's interesting! :P

Sparklies in the Sun

2005-09-08T10:59:00.000-07:00

A baby spider built this one. It was less than two inches from end to end

2005-09-08T10:52:00.000-07:00

A very rich spider who can afford to build a towering castle in the air...

2005-09-08T10:41:00.000-07:00

Two stories - a mid-class spider

2005-09-08T10:33:00.000-07:00

Webster

2005-09-08T10:28:00.000-07:00
He wasn't too scared of me to stay on his web!

Scorpion

2005-09-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

Another dangerous one, though not quite so poisonous. :) Now HE looks evil!

The Widow.

2005-09-08T10:17:00.000-07:00

She's beautiful, isn't she? In a dangerous, rather dark sort of way. They're the second most dangerous spider in North America. She's a big lady.

Little house in the dew drop

2005-09-08T10:14:00.000-07:00
That's MY fuzzy brown house on the hill! Too cool!

Feast Galore. Bugs are so yummy...Not to mention, funny...Oh darn, I'm rhyming again.

2005-09-08T10:11:00.000-07:00

Find him hiding...

2005-09-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

Pals again

2005-09-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

Erik is still a tad skinny...

Erik and Spirit

2005-09-08T10:00:00.000-07:00
Rachel's horse, Erik, and his little pal, an Ober buckling

Mara

2005-09-08T09:55:00.000-07:00
The lovely lady. She is - was, rather... - Ivanhoe's mom.

Fenceline

2005-09-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

Through the Glass

2005-09-08T09:49:00.000-07:00

Lily and Beau

2005-09-08T09:45:00.000-07:00

Lily

2005-09-08T09:42:00.000-07:00
Got some Beau butt in the pic too, but oh well...:P

Baby Vi...

2005-09-08T09:31:00.000-07:00
Look how tiny and skinny she is! And she was even skinnier and smaller when we first got her, poor doll. She's about 2 1/2 months old here I think

2005-09-08T09:26:00.000-07:00
So adorable, is my little sweetie...

Wistful Vi...

2005-09-08T09:20:00.000-07:00
Take me for a walk? Please?

Violet Looking At Me

2005-09-08T09:15:00.000-07:00

My Basset Babies

2005-09-08T09:08:00.000-07:00
They're so happy to see me! These are my little ones - little meaning only weighing 50 lbs, maybe a bit more :p. Left to right: Violet (mine, she's a blue, very rare, and would cost about $450 as a pup, more now...She was given to me b/c she wasn't thriving and needed extra love. She started growing soon after we got her. I'll have to scrounge up a baby picture of her all skinny so you can see the major improvement :D); Beau (my mom's - he's a big guy and probably has a 15 lb advantage over the girls); and Lily (Rachel's - a hyper thing she is).

A bug bed

2005-09-08T09:03:00.000-07:00
Yup, there's a bitty tiny bug in that wad of silk and flower!

The backyard

2005-09-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

Truly, it is - just through green glass!

Salt Shaker

2005-09-08T08:50:00.000-07:00
I liked this too. Cool grain on the wood. :D

The stem of the rose colored glasses...

2005-09-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

Criss Cross

2005-09-08T08:35:00.000-07:00
Yes, I am weird. But I liked the way it looked! :P

Dying Dandelion

2005-09-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

I am dumb...LOL

2005-09-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

Somehow Dannon's pic didn't get attached to the post I put up last night! Heh...Here it is! Sorry for any confusion. Here's my big boy.

Scales

2005-09-08T08:22:00.000-07:00
Chainlink, actually. Cool, huh?

News - the good, the bad, and the just plain evil ugly. Weak stomachs don't read.

2005-09-07T22:28:00.000-07:00
I know you all are probably wondering where on this wide earth I am. Well, I am still alive, thankfully. I have horrible news and awesome news. Some of you already know the terrible news, others haven’t heard, so I’ll say what I can. I am not supposed to talk about it much though b/c the police are doing an investigation and I don’t want any locals getting ideas.

On Sunday morning, the other kids went up to do their goat duties (I stayed home to take care of the animals down at the house). Rachel found one of our kittens, Ivanhoe, curled up against the fence – dead. He was covered in mud and shouldn’t have been able to drag himself home. He had been scalped (badly –whoever it was wasn’t very proficient in their skinning skills) from the top of the nose back to his neck and had no ears left, as well as being quite thoroughly disemboweled. There are few things that can scare me on sight. Bees and needles are normal. But this scared me. There was something evil hanging around him. We’ve had lots of “incidences” lately – single kittens disappearing, the neighbor’s dogs or cats have gone missing, etc, but we just never really thougt about it until now – heck, we live in the country, know for a fact we’ve got fox, bob cats, coyotes, and the occasional bear, not to mention vehicles that squash animals that get in their way. And then, last month, someone twist-tied a 12 gauge wire around the hind leg of one of our Great Pyrs, Dannon. The leg had to be amputated, to the tune of a $450 vet bill. Looking at the calendar after we found Ivanhoe, we found out that Dannon’s “accident” (and the vet told us there was no way he could ever have done it to himself) happened the night of a full moon. We noticed that Ivanhoe’s leg – the same back leg that Dannon no longer has – had some definite trauma to it. Saturday night, the night that Ivanhoe was killed, was the night of a new moon. We are obviously dealing with either witchcraft or Satanic worship. We called the sheriff’s department and they are going to do what they can as soon as they can. They agree that Dannon and Ivanhoe’s injuries are connected and that it most likely is connected to a form of worship, be it spirits or Satan.

I was afraid. I didn’t even draw anything until Tuesday, when I went to Lindsay’s for my art lesson and really began to understand what kind of people they are. I had called her and explained I was going to be late and told her what had happened. When I got there, she told me they (she, Richard, and Sherrie) had talked about it, and that they’d like to pray with me. I got all emotional afterwards and it was really quite embarrassing but they hugged me and we sat and talked about what we could do about it for awhile. I stayed way past closing time with them, got to meet Linz’s fiancé (he’s nice and seems very cool :) ), and we talked about all kinds of stuff. She helped me figure out some structural problems in my kern – they look way better (and slightly more creepy!) now! I’m so happy with that. I told her some about my story and she really liked everything I told and GUESS WHAT???? She can get it published for me!!!!!! I’m so darned excited I don’t know if I’ll be able to write more for a while, even though now I should really get on the stick and write-write-write so I can get it published. Oh, I just love that word...*sigh* Published...It’s so beautiful sounding! :D :D :D it’s my official news-of-the-month. I AM GOING TO GET PUBLISHED WHENEVER MY BOOK IS WRITTEN!!!! :O Ah...Now I just gotta write it. Heh. Anyone interested in reading and reviewing (if you read, you have to review! Ashley’s orders! :P) the prologue, intro, and 1st 5 chapters can go to my fictionpress site (http://www.fictionpress.com/~dyingrose ) and click on the Elf Blood link. :) Anyway, yeah. That’s my good, most awesome news. :D

My other news is that A) Linda is quitting and I’m taking on an additional 2 days per week, making that 5 days a week that Rachel or I, or both of us, work. B) I’m entering lots of stuff in the fair, if I can get it all done and matted/framed in time. C) Laura and Darren’s wedding is THIS WEEKEND and I’m not going to be there!!!! *sniffs miserably* D)I am still doing school, amidst spiritual and physical chaos E)I am drawing lots and soon will be writing lots F) We are in a proverbial “race against time”. The next full moon is the 18th. G)And, I obviously have been taking pictures a lot. :P

Until next time, farewell, my friends!

~Ashley~

Listening to Stratovarious, “Dream With Me” – beautiful song!

My big, bad, three legged pal and secret crush...

2005-09-07T22:12:00.000-07:00
DANNON! He's so beautiful! *grabs him in giant hug* My best buddy. I am the one paying for that operation, ya know. He has a crush on me and I secretly (don't tell, anyone!) adore him.

All looped up

2005-09-07T22:07:00.000-07:00
Cool messy way to spin a web, eh?

Nap, anyone?

2005-09-07T22:02:00.000-07:00
A spiderweb that looks like a hammock...That word so doesn't look right...

Suspended...

2005-09-07T21:55:00.000-07:00

Spiderweb

2005-09-07T21:47:00.000-07:00
So pretty! The spider didn't like me and ran into a corner to hide. :D

Two pics, same plant

2005-09-07T21:35:00.000-07:00

More pictures of my lovely pinky-white plant :D

Some lovely plant thing

2005-09-07T21:31:00.000-07:00
I have no idea what this is...I jsut love how the icey-white stems and the pale pinky-purple flowers looked all beaded with dew. So pretty.

Just ONE more bug! :D

2005-09-07T21:22:00.000-07:00
A cool - now, you have to admit it, you don't get to see fuzzy orange caterpillars every day! - caterpillar, who liked my hand. Took forever to convince him to get off. LOL.

Hopper #2

2005-09-07T21:20:00.000-07:00
Climbin'...Yeah, I know, enough with the bugs, huh? :P On to other pretties.

Grasshopper

2005-09-07T21:15:00.000-07:00
I like his cool yellow legs. :D

Dewy Grass

2005-09-07T21:11:00.000-07:00
I liked the grass all sparkling with dew, and the bug was cool, but I couldn't get him AND the grass in focus, so he's a background blob. :P

Mushroom

2005-09-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

A Little bit of clearing in our thick grass...I call it a mushroom cove. :P

2005-09-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

Mantis, The Look - again!

2005-09-07T19:55:00.000-07:00