Chronicles of a Rose

So yeah. I have had my days full for the past 2 months. It's been crazy but good. The only problem I've had this past week is sleeping - w00t...Going to bed at midnight or after and waking at some crazy stupid hour a couple later...and not being able to get back to sleep until 7 a.m. or so. Nice. So my solution has been to stay up late and get things done. Tonight, it's a blog post. It's after midnight, and for some reason I've been listening to two songs by Billy Talent back to back for the past half hour. They are entitled "Try Honesty" and "Lies". The lyrics are as follows:

'Try Honesty'

Well I tripped, I fell down naked
Well I scratched my knees, they bled
Sew up my eyes, need no more
In our game there is no score

(chorus)
Forgive me father, why should you bother?
Try honesty, Try honesty
Hop in your dumptruck, reverse for good luck
Ride over me, Ride over me
Take on the whole world, fight with the young girls
Die tragedy, Die tragedy
Call me a cheapskate, come on for pete's sake
Cry Agony, Cry agony

I'm insane, it's your fault, so sly
Your well of lies ran dry
And I cut the cord, free fall
From so high we seem so small'

(chorus)

I talk to you

I'm insane, it's your fault
Try
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry
I'm insane, it's your fault
Cry

Forgive me father, why should you bother now?
Forgive me father, why should you bother now?

(chorus)

Cry Agony, Cry Agony
Try honesty, Try Honesty
Cry Agony, Cry Agony


"Lies"

Forced conversation
Hidden agenda
You think we're stupid, how dare you
The rug has not been pulled
Over our eyes you fool
We can see right through

Tip-toeing villain
Eyes in the ceiling
Your false intentions have worn thin
But we've been in your room and in your closet too
We've got one on you

(chorus)
Lies make it better
Lies are forever
Lies to go home to
Lies you wake up to
Lies from the alter
Lies make you falter
Lies keep your mouth fed
Lies till your death bed
Lies

Inside an office, a fallen angel
A smiling Buddha with snake eyes
Creates the latest trends
And I just cant pretend
Don't call me your friend

When all these
(chorus 2x)

LIES!

Lies will come back to haunt you
Bulletproof your limousine
Lies will come back to haunt you
Hit and run, a broken dream

(chorus 2x)

Lies


But yeah. Is it odd that I've been listening to those particular two? I don't know. You tell me. Now, I will admit that, tonight, I am somewhat depressed, due to conversations with my favorite person in the world and recent distancing from said favorite person. But, I am not letting that get me out of writing this post. I suppose a detailed look at everything I've been doing would a) be pages and pages long and b) there are certain things no one wants to hear and I would likely get in trouble for, therefore my exclusion of those things is to my benefit. :P So, I shall do my best to recap adequately. :)

Okay. Well. Last I posted news-wise on here I was all excited about GED and SAT stuff and my best friend visiting during the summer. That was really forever ago. My apologies for being so lacking in my blogger updating duties.

So.

College plans have waxed and waned...I was actually admitted into the Art Institute of Atlanta, and we pushed it up to the last minute and had everything planned out but, BECAUSE I have been a very very good girl and always paid cash for everything, I have no credit, and my parents don't have good credit either, the loan rates were ridiculous, and I would have ended up 100K in debt for an Associates degree. Obviously, I'm not wanting to start off life with that much debt on my shoulders, so I canceled my application for AIA. I've been working with several schools and am working with a contact at Emily Carr Institute to make sure I get into a college that I can pick up the appropriate credits and they will transfer. :) I'm looking at fall and spring semesters so I can take my English 1 & 2 and my Art History 1 & 2 classes. I may even go out to TX or something cause the schools in GA that will actually accept me suck. :P

I'm moving in with some friends and working for their company next week. Well, this week actually since it's *early*. I will be able to make good money and still pay the bills, and the plan is that I save up and then go to college and get my transfer credits and then move to Vancouver where I go to ECI. Four years there, w00t, my art skillz will totally pwn, and I shall be happy.

I'm going to finish learning how to drive and buy a car and be able to get places by myself. *cue the shock and horror* I know. I'm learning how to DRIVE. It's scary. A couple months ago I drove around in a parking lot...Erm....Yeah...I ran Sam's truck over the curb TWICE. Sorry about that, dude. :S :D At least we had fun doing that. And I drove all of twenty mph down an actual road, recently - thanks, Billy! - and I pulled into a driveway and backed out and turned around and managed to not get hit by a car coming my way at one point. LOL. It was fun. And dark. So kinda scary. But cool. :D

So anyway. A lot of you probably know I went north for the holidays. The trip went well - I had a great time with the Tarons and Spratts. While at the Tarons I played a lot of card games and went shopping and watched movies and talked a lot and helped paint a giant warehouse thing with a tragic mudding job where T's job was moving buildings and I think this is a huge long run on sentence but I don't care. I was away from the good ol' South for 3 weeks and enjoyed it quite a bit. I love Vancouver. I didn't have to deal with sunlight in my eyes ONCE while I was there! It was sooo nice. I officially met the Spratt family for the first time, after a good amount of ribbing about "meeting the parents" from certain members of the Taron family. For those of you who don't know, Justin is my best friend and previously mentioned favorite person. The Spratts are his family. I also of course met his younger brother Nathan who is a cool guy and very funny. Mr. and Mrs. Spratt are a great couple. I enjoyed my stay at their house a lot. Justin and I did a lot of walking around Vancouver and taking buses, trains, and ferries to various places (I love the public transportation in Vancouver. It's so delightfully organized and logical and on time). Went to Granville Island, LynnValley Suspension bridge (scary. but the rainforest is amazing. I can't wait to go up there during the summer and be there when I'm not freezing my butt off. LOL. The trees were very very tall and huge and wet. :P), bits of Vancouver, saw movies, I met his friends...and on Christmas day we went SKIING IN WHISTLER. Ok, first of all, skiing equipment HAS to be the most uncomfortable things possible to be standing around in all day. Nathan snowboards and it looks so much more comfy. Secondly, we got up to a green dot run (a *family* slope) and I couldn't stay up for more than five feet at a time, if I got that far. The wind was blowing me and I'd freak and try to stop but couldn't stop and would fall instead. To make matters worse, my poles were too long and I couldn't lift myself up off the ground properly, so Justin was getting tired from continuously lifting me off the ground. I was being a horrible failure. I fell and couldn't seem to get back up without falling again. Then, of course, the cute Australian ski patrol guy comes along and unclips his snowboard, helps Justin get me up, and causally suggests the kiddie slopes down the mountain. Nice. It was quite embarrassing. I felt bad about it, but once I got a hang of the beginner slopes I did alright. :) I had fun and wasn't falling by the time we went and had lunch with Mr. Spratt and Nathan. But skiing made me very sore. Hehe. I have gotta get in shape so I can be better next time. While the guys all went and did the black diamond runs (!!!) I stayed in the ski lodge place and watched a blizzard. Hehehe. It looked scary. I couldn't see very much out the windows it was snowing and blowing so hard. It was a relief to finally get out of all the ski gear at the end of the day. That stuff is painful. We drove back to the Spratt's house and quickly all showered and ate dinner and then went for coffee and dessert at Mr. Spratt's parent's house. The extended family seems pretty nice and everything. I had to try to be perfect for a few hours - LOL. But it was all good. The plane trip home from WA was a nightmare though - I won't go into details, but let me just say that my already red-eye flight left 2 hours late. Hehe.

-break for a half day -
Resuming where I left off...
Since then, I have done my college searches and went and visited with my family for a week, which went pretty normally. The little kids tried to convince me to stay fro "3 years" - and then five minutes later attacked me with paper balls and shouts of "GET HER!!!" Wow. So convincing.

I'm now at my friend's house and we're about to head out and go shopping... So far so good! I will put up a picture or two, maybe a scan of some artwork, later. Love you guys!

Ending poem:

“Voiceless”

Transparency

Always evident, opacity conquered by your gaze

Reality

Marring beauty, frozen in time to suffer endless days

Insecurity

Holding doubt, unable to see through the ghostly haze

-

I’m wandering, wondering,

How your eyes can view me clearly

Confused, and still shaking

Hating the mirrored reflection I see

-Not something you could desire-

Standing still and speechless

My heart grips you close, afraid to let go

No words to express my helplessness

And yet on the outside I feel so cold and alone

The still-unvoiced fact unchanging

The brighter the light, the darker is the shadow.

-

Transparency

Once evident, opacity shorn away, to bring to light

Reality

Beauty marred, exposed and suffering through endless night

Insecurity

Unshakeable doubt, questioning my fragile insight

-

The complexity of something lost,

The necessity to burn and fall;

Find my place in ruin,

Unable to answer your persuading call.

(I only fell so hard because I rose so high)

Somewhere, bound deep in my heart, lie

Deathlike darkness and empty chains

To join your empty words, our empty names

My thoughts creating uncertainty, yet afraid to let this go

The still-unvoiced fact unchanging

The brighter the light, the darker is the shadow.

-

And I am voiceless

Your brilliancy should have cautioned me

My shadows should have warned me

You gave me wings and I burned them

I gave you my heart, my soul, and you tore them

And once having risen, the only way to return

Is to fall.

Posted by Ashley on Saturday, January 27, 2007 at 10:59 AM | Permalink